Dear Diary

April 11th, 2009

I cannot sleep. Yesterday, I found out that I am no longer going to stay at Fenside for 2 years, instead; it's been changed to 1 year, meaning I am leaving this year... This year, I will have to let go of everybody I have befriended, and I have to embrace my old friends, I'm not afraid of going back there, the only thing i'm afraid of is meeting the people I had called friends, because I had abandoned them. If I had said goodbye, maybe they might forgive me. If I had at least told them I was leaving, maybe they could have forgiven me, but by me abandoned them, it probably enrage them, and probably wasted a lot of their time, I feel bad, but I thought that I would have more time. But because of my selfishness, I have hurt others. And now I have to deal with Josh and his parting. I don't want this. I never wanted this. So why me? What did I ever do to deserve this. "The world was cruel to me, but even so it gave me a chance" I was told this but I don't believe it anymore. I thought my chance was through Josh, and our friendship, but this life has just been too cruel. Why me. I was not given a chance, I was only given choices. "You will not find any answers here, only options" That's how this world is, all choices. Nothing is every Black or White.