A Surface of Pressure and Burden

Chapter 9: A Party of Noise and Riddles

We hadn't gone far through the forest when Alis came running after us, along with two strange faeries that had been with her back at the castle, who were holding some type of strange, surely magical contraptions, which looked to be fashioned out of metal and glass, and which they pointed back and forth between Alis and Feyre during their conversation.

"Such hasty folk," the tree-lady muttered under her breath, flipping through her stack of papers with her leafy fingers. I wondered briefly if she felt weird about using paper. Was she ever afraid it was made from a friend of hers?

"Sorry, I thought we could call it a wrap on that episode but the producer - I mean, um, the Fates - said there were a couple of key points we had to get through for the audience or the next episode wouldn't make any sense."

This was gibberish to me, but as usual Feyre wasn't paying enough attention to notice how weird Alis's statement was.

"What now, Alis?" she groaned with one of those eyerolls I really hadn't missed.

"I need to tell you some important information if you're going to save Tamlin," said Alis.

This finally caught Feyre's attention.

Alis seized on the moment. "First of all, all dark and miserable roads lead Under the Mountain -" she paused and faced the two contraption-fairies with a sigh, "Really, who writes these scripts? Some dark and miserable roads just lead to Wall Mart! You know, that horrible marketplace with the stone walls? Anyway." She turned back to Feyre. "You're almost to a cave up ahead, and you should take that as a shortcut to get Under the Mountain to Amarantha's domain. Once you get there, Feyre, there are some rules to follow. Number One - never cast a Tree Woman in a part that isn't the maid. Oh wait, my bad, that's the network's rule. COMMENTARY!"

She gave the contraption-faeries a pointed glance.

"I don't run the network, lady," one of them said.

"Anyway," Alis went on, "Under the Mountain, don't drink the wine - it's not like what we had at the Solstice, and it will do more harm than good. Don't trust a soul in there - not even bae. Your senses are your greatest enemies. Last of all, don't make deals with anyone unless your life depends on it." She turned back to the contraption-fairies. "And speaking of deals, this episode is brought to you by Blue Faepron -"

I was never to learn what a Blue Faepron was, however, because Feyre had reached her limit on listening to someone else and started crashing ahead towards the cave. As I followed after her I heard Alis yelling at Feyre's departing back "There's one more thing I need to tell her, but Amarantha won't let me! What do you think it is? Hop onto our Faecebook and drop a comment with your guess!"

More mystified than ever, I followed Feyre into the cave mouth. Bizarrely, one of the contraption-fae was still following us, adjusting his strange magical device. Feyre took no more notice of him than if he'd been a fly, stopping every few feet to moan about how alone she was and no one in the world but herself cared about Tamlin. I wondered if the faerie was, like me, under an invisibility spell, and only other invisibles could see him - or if the obliviousness was just Feyre being Feyre.

Suddenly, Feyre rounded a corner and a terrifying giant bat-creature-thing jumped out hissing at her. Before either of us could react (and the contraption-fae showed no sign of wanting to react) it had grabbed her by the arm and dragged her around another corner and into a giant stone hall.

My jaw dropped. There seemed to be some type of huge party going on - the loudest music I'd ever heard was pumping out of one corner, faeries were everywhere, drinking, laughing, dancing, and strange round silvery balls hung from the ceiling, spangling the hall with colorful light. More contraption-fae were everywhere, constantly pointing and re-pointing those magical devices. It was an absolute sensory overload - especially after having spent so much time locked up in Oberon House, and so much time before that in a hut in the woods. Also, I truly don't wish to be a prude, but the faerie dancing seemed to involve a lot of shaking of what our mother used to call "sit-upons." I'm not judging, I just wasn't used to that sort of thing. Mother barely let us go to the very proper formal balls back when we'd had money. I'd never been so glad to be invisible.

There was so much going on that it was a minute or two before my eyes could focus on the center of the room - a giant black dais where a faerie woman lounged on a massive throne.

"What up, Ranthnatics?!" she yelled, seeming to address the contraption-fae. "It's ya girl, the one, the only, Amarantha, and this! Is! Amaranthathon!"

Cheers erupted around the room, along with many blasts from some sort of loud horn.

I remembered my mission and hurried close to Feyre, who was staring up at Maranatha - Amanita - whatever the courts her name was - and muttering "she's not as devastatingly beautiful as I imagined. There's something that sucks the beauty out of her features. To paint her would drive me to madness." Great fae, she was lucky the room was so loud. Then her eyes drifted to Lord Tamlin - there he was, seated on a smaller throne near Mamacita. Memories of that terrifying night poured into my brain on top of the sensory overload on top of the worry on top of the guilt.

"I come to claim the one I love!" cried Feyre, her eyes locked onto Tamlin.

No one reacted.

"Oh my fae, everybody, SHUT UP!" Marinara screamed from her throne. Utter quiet dropped upon the room immediately. One particularly inebriated fae in the corner continued screeching "All the single fairies!" until someone kicked him into silence.

"OK, OK, say that again, Feyre, and camera crew, zoom in on her face when she says it! That was sooo hashtag FaeBae!"

What was going on?

"I come to claim the one I love!" Feyre repeated.

A tall faerie in a fox mask shuffled near the dais. "Amarantha, what if I also claimed Tamlin, like, as a joke? Hashtag SpringCourtBoyz4Life! Hashtag NoHomo!"

"Lucien," said Monogamy, "You are NOT a part of this. Now back off and let me make my speech." She pulled out a stack of papers like Alis had used and took a quick glance, checked her makeup in a compact mirror, and addressed the contraption-fae again.

"If you want to save Lord Tammy, you will have to complete three Amaranthathon Challenges! Trademark pending," she cried. "There will be sacrifices made, monsters slain, and levers pulled! And all you Ranthnatics out there, stick around for our afterparty footage to get your levers pulled, if you know what I mean!"

"Gross," one of the contraption-fae muttered.

"It's all the drama, all the intrigue, all the danger, and all the sexiness you've been waiting for," she went on, "It's AMARANTHATHON!" Cheers and horns erupted again. An attendant fae tugged on Amarantha's shoulder and whispered in her ear.

"Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, OK, shut up, guys," she added, pulling the stack of papers back out. "Feyre, there's a way for you to avoid the challenges and get out of here fast. It's a riddle. You solve it, you go. Tammy too, OK?" Amarilla cleared her throat and read from the paper.

There are those who seek me a lifetime but never we meet, And those I kiss but who trample me beneath ungrateful feet. At times I seem to favor the clever and the fair, But I bless all those who are brave enough to dare. By large, my ministrations are soft-handed and sweet, But scorned, I become a difficult beast to defeat. For though each of my strikes lands a powerful blow, When I kill, I do it slow ...

A way out? I tried my best to drown out the noise of the room and focus on the riddle. Where was Will when I needed him?

It was the thought of Will that brought the answer to me in a flash - Love. Of course the answer was love. To be fair, Will would have complained that this was a very poorly written riddle, too long-winded, meter all over the place, and could have referred to almost anything, but it was to clear to me, although I understood nothing about the "hashtags" and "Ranthnatics," that there was some type of enormous performance going on. And the heart of the drama for everyone watching had to do with the love Feyre felt (for some reason) for the horrifying monstrous beast who had kidnapped her.

"Love!" I whispered to my sister. "The answer is love, tell her and let's get out of here!"

Cauldrons.

Oh great fiery cauldrons.

She couldn't hear me. No one could hear me. And I'd accepted this wretched invisibility/inaudibility spell without any clear instructions on when it might end or how to undo it.

Absolute cauldrons.

Feyre would have to do these challenges.