If Someday Never Comes

Chapter 12

Brooks's POV

I woke up pissed.

 I felt a river of uneasiness flowing through my veins, the current so strong it pulled me out of bed at 5 a.m. and to the gym. I lifted the weights over my head aggressively and blasted the intense music in my ears to drown out the sounds of her voice that were playing over and over. The way her eyes flashed with a rage I'd never seen as she told me "fuck off". It echoed through my chest and the tension grew stronger in my body after I bluntly confessed to being engaged. 

It all felt heavy and gross and the slide show of scenes passed behind my eyes as I pushed the barbell over my head again and again. 

I wasn't just mad at her for showing up here I was mad at myself for being so careless, I shouldn't have told her in that way but I also shouldn't have cared so deeply about her reaction to it. Getting married was the next step, and Courtney made it simple. She practically proposed to herself but she didn't like me for my romantic side, she liked me for my credit card. 

I think back to a few weeks ago, we were walking down the sidewalk of Front Street in the next town over after finishing lunch at some fancy Italian restaurant that cost me $100 for some mediocre spaghetti when we passed a jewelry store. The minute she begged me to go inside I knew that this had been her plan all along. It was why she called that morning begging me to take her for lunch, supposedly because she missed me, only to get me through the door here. She had been hinting at wanting to get engaged for a while, emailing me links to rings she had found and liked, I usually told her the emails went to my Junk folder and I never saw them but then she would pull them up on her phone and big flashy diamonds would cover the screen.

 As I drug my feet behind her up to the glass counter an older man with a bad toupe walked up grinning from ear to ear, I could tell instantly that they had already chatted about whatever purchase she was hoping I would make and his eyes lit up as he took me in. I glanced at my watch, annoyed that she thought I was stupid enough to believe this wasn't a setup and irritated that she was always playing these stupid games. 

"Miss Stewart, how are you today dear?" the gentleman asked. 

"Hi, Mr. Roth, this is Brooks, my boyfriend I was telling you all about," she gleamed in my direction with the fake smile she painted on any time we were in public. I knew it was fake because I never saw that reaction from her when we were alone or while I was buried inside her. It was all smoke and mirrors and that's all Courtney was ever going to be, I enjoyed it because that's all I want, to check the boxes, fall in line, be successful, and not have messy emotions get in the way. 

I reached my hand across the glass case and shook the man's hand, "Nice to meet you, sir." 

"Likewise young man," he nodded, "quite the catch you've got yourself here Miss Stewart." 

"I know," she sighed, "I'm a lucky girl," she didn't hesitate for long before she continued, "I was hoping to show him the piece that we looked at the other day?" 

His eyes lit up once again, "Oh, of course, it's a beauty!" excitement of a potential sale, a big one I'm assuming, practically glowed off of him as he reached into the case. I watched his hand as he passed a ring that caught my attention, it was dainty, a white gold band, with thin diamonds across it, meeting in the center and wrapped around a pear-shaped black stone, it was so unique and different, I couldn't stop staring at it and at the time I didn't know why. "What kind of stone is that?" I asked pointing at the ring.

His eyes did a little dance toward Courtney as confusion covered her face, "This one?" he questioned pointing at the ring. 

"Yeah," I said softly, confused, yet curious. 

"That is a black diamond, they aren't very popular so we don't keep many in the store." 

"Brooks honey," Courtney's soft voice cut through my thoughts, "that doesn't quite seem like my taste. I prefer things a little more..." Flashy, big, expensive, I listed in my head before she could finish with, "elegant."

I nodded my head in agreeance, "Trust me, I'm aware, just curious, I had never seen anything like that before." Then I returned my gaze to Mr. Roth urging him to continue so we could get the hell out of here. 

He pulled out a 3-carat round diamond surrounded by a thick band of other diamonds. The thing looked heavy, why the hell would Courtney want to carry that around on her finger I questioned in my head, but the way her eyes lit up answered my question. She wouldn't care as long as it was big. "Isn't it beautiful Brooks?" her smile nearly cracked her face in two, I didn't know what would blind me first, her whitened teeth or that big diamond so I just nodded. 

"This is what you want?" I questioned again, my eye once again catching that black stone. 

She nearly leaped out of her stilettos, "Yes! It's perfect." and she clung to my arm. 

I had to force myself to not roll my eyes but as I stared at her, the ring, and Mr. Roth, an alarm system began going off in my head and a rumbling formed in my stomach. For a moment the words sat on the tip of my tongue, the word "no" begging to scream its way out but I stood there silent. 

The black stone kept my gaze as I gathered my thoughts and Courtney rubbed her hand up and down my bicep. I found her eyes with mine and I thought about the simplicity of our relationship, the dinner dates, the sex, watching basketball together on the couch, even if we were usually sitting there in silence while she aimlessly scrolled through her phone. I swallowed down the nerves, as my heart picked up speed, my jaw clenched and I fought the urge to look at the black ring again, what was with that, I thought to myself, dancing my eyes across her face searching for something, battling with something, and finally settling it all by reaching for my wallet and pulling out my card. 

My heart hammered in my chest but I didn't show any weakness, this was the right move I told myself, as she reached quickly for the ring and slid it onto her finger, it glimmered in the light, and her face beamed. "Oh Brooks!" she exclaimed, "it's perfect, I love it, baby," as she pulled my face in for a kiss. 

After paying a fortune for this piece of jewelry I expected Courtney to pull it off and place it in the box so I could actually propose to her but as we were walking out of the store and she stared at the ring, she told me we could just tell everyone I couldn't wait to propose so I didn't right there in front of the jewelry store. I settled for whatever story she wanted to tell but was caught off guard by the disappointment in the truth. I thought this was supposed to be a magical moment in your life and relationship, but in ours nothing ever was, all it was was stories, fake smiles, and easy conversation. It's hard when you get everything you think you want and it still feels like you are empty inside. 

My surroundings came back to the forefront and I pulled myself up off the bench as sweat dripped down my face, I reached for the towel next to me and wiped away the perspiration. I thought about that day and the sadness of its falsity anchored in my gut and then I thought about that ring and the girl who waltzed back into my life, my town, and my bar last night. 

The pieces fell into place in my head as the emotions ran ramped in my chest. That ring, the unique, black diamond that caught my eye, the girl who had my heart once upon a time, it was her, that ring reminded me of her, and instead of allowing the emotion to overtake me I stood up and made my way to the pull-up bar and pounded out reps until my eyes stung with sweat and my arms felt like jelly. 

When I let myself down and stopped to catch my breath some of the tension had dissipated but my insides felt like a river of ice with a strong current pounding underneath, doing everything it could to try and break through the surface. 

I gathered my stuff and walked to my Jeep, the sun was shining bright for late November and the coolness of the air felt good on my skin. I checked my watch and I only had two hours before Courtney would be at my apartment to leave for the holiday festivities, since Layla and Kelsey weren't coming home until Christmas my mom was going with me to Courtney's parent's house. 

At least a day of mindless conversation about business and wedding plans would drown out the war battling inside of me, I locked my seatbelt in place and accelerated my way back home hoping to leave all of these memories and feelings behind me at least for the day.

AN: What a romantic engagement story....*cue eye roll.