Fragments *KANEJ*

Thawing

Why did you say that... you piece of shit. You already let your brother die and now you'll lose another person. But this time, they'll leave you by choice. Kaz tries to push the negative voice in his head away, but he can't. He thought when she came back he'd be able to freely show emotion, but as soon as he does he hates himself for it. If Kaz shows emotion, he shows weakness. That has always been his logic. But he doesn't want it to be. At least not with Inej.

He walks into his study, leaning on his cane. A wave of anger washes over him. At himself, at Inej for leaving, at his brother for dying, at everything. With an angry scream, he smashes his cane into a vase on the table with a loud crash. Then he collapses onto the couch and sits there for a moment, staring at the fire.

"Hello Inej." He says, as he always does when he can feel her presence within the room.

"Hello Brekker." She responds from behind him. He hears her as she walks around the couch to sit beside him. They sit in deafening silence for a few minutes, until Kaz breaks it finally.

"What are we?" He turns and looks at her. "What will we be?" It's a difficult question. Inej looks down and shakes her head.

"I don't know."

"I... I want to be open. I don't want to be like this. But..." Kaz explains with a pained expression. Then his horrible thoughts kick in again. Why on earth are you being open to her, you bastard. They say.

"I know Kaz, I know. And... I know you don't think this, but... I'll wait for you, for when you are ready. Because, I still stand by my words." Inej slowly moved closer to him, as Kaz looks away and back towards the fire. "But I can tell you've improved greatly, and I really appreciate that." He doesn't mean to, but he starts to slowly lean on her. And eventually, he finds himself leaning his head on her shoulder.

Warm. A warmness in his heart starts growing and spreading throughout his body. A warmness that he hasn't felt in so, so long. It's like his iced heart had begun thawing, after having been frozen for almost all of his life. He's falling. Falling into a deep pit of endless light, but light with dark spots inside. He's scared. Terrified even, but in this moment, he forgets it all. All he could feel was a contentment. He feels safe.