Broken

dinner.

Mr George sits at the beginning, father sits at the right, mother at the left opposite father and so the eating begins. A seat at the left hand side of Mr George was left vacant because he did not want anybody that wasn't father to sit beside him.

The first course was wollof rice with the lamb skewers, Mr George would share the biggest portion with father before anyone would have one.

Till date, I still never understood why...why father let Mr George get away with everything. I still did not forget the fact that he stood there letting his wife get slapped and nothing happened. He hadn't even helped mother up from the floor that day, he had just ignored her, looked away and turned away.

Nobody said a word, nobody but the forks clinking on our plates, my little light didn't speak but her eyes gazed at Mr George, little thing hadn't seen a white man before.

Mr George occasionally smiled at her whenever he caught her staring, everytime I came across such exchange I would grip my fork hard. I hope there wasn't any pleasantries exchanged, I want...I need to take my sweetheart out of here. Why did I come here? Why?

Oh yes, I remember, yes, I needed somewhere to stay until I got a place for me and my little light.

"It's been a long time, I never knew you married" Mother says, opening the floor for the long avoided pleasantries I most certainly did not want.

Sipping from my tumbler; "you and father never knew a lot of things regarding me. But I will say this, I work as a nurse, I happened to the leader of the Christian women leader at our Queen of heaven. I have a husband...married at a church and this little girl is my child"

I hoped this would be the end of any question, asked of me, because I just couldn't speak too much. I hated this place, the air so heavy it weighted on my chest, pressing down to cause a creaking , crushing weight on my chest.

"Really, where is your husband?" Father asks. His eyebrow raised, he seemed skeptical.

I look up from plate of spicy noodles, "are you insinuating I married out of wedlock or you think I am making it up."

Copying his body movement and raising my eyebrows and looking directly into his eyes. He chuckles and says, "be calm, I just want to know if you did it right. Doing things right is always hard for you"

I leaned back on the chair, waving my fork in the air. The sudden bravery to talk to my father surprised me, maybe because I saw him and saw my mother. I saw them and I didn't like what I saw.

"Things may have been hard for me..because I wasn't taught but I am ok now. I am okay now. Things are going better for me"

"Indeed, then why are you here?" He says

I reply, "its holiday season and I haven't seen you all in a while. I miss the house. I miss mother so much. I might be staying for a long while". My little light wiggles to the left,  a sign she's done with her food. she's filled up. Time for me to get up and take her away. I grab a napkin and wipe her stained lips.

Mother says while smiling at my little light, "your baby is so beautiful. Her father must have been a foreigner. She's so beautiful...so pretty. I am glad you are here, we will spend time in the garden together"

I did not mind that, as a matter of fact I encouraged it. I would love for her to get the love I didn't get from her. I hoped my little light would accept my mother.

Father says, " the child is very beautiful, one good thing that came out of you. But i still need to see the man who made a woman out you. For all I know this child is a bastard..."

I paused in my wiping, my hands squeezing the fussing hands of my daughter, she didn't like my endless wiping.

"I have a birth certificate and a document in the church, perhaps you would like to call the church to check in with them . And as for husband, he's on a business trip to Cambodia...he went to see his parents.

I do not know when he will be back"

I hate my father. I hate the men in my life . I hate the sliver of masculinity. It never did me any good.

Dropping the soiled napkin, I make to get up, the door opens and the third child of my parent, Oliver walks in. Again, my hand seek purchase on the cold bluntness of the fork...why is she here??

Mother looks up from smiling at my little light to behold, her estranged daughter from so long ago.

Judging by the simple dressing of my estranged sister, she had been here for a while. How long?

Mother barely glimpsed at her before resuming her petting action.

Oliver hasn't changed a bit, her looks  maturing from a devious kitten to a stalking tigress. So beautiful. So majestic. So perfect, and I...so...?

She rounds the table and then stopping at my side of the table, she squats to an eye level to look at my little light. Then smiling to reveal her pearly white teeth, she pats the soft tresses of my little light's hair. Mother quickly retracts her hand before it makes contact with Oliver.

It may have been years, it may have been a long passage of time but still...mother would never look at Oliver again.

Who would blame her? Her own daughter. A whore. No matter how many times you put it or how many positions you put it. Her own daughter was selling her services for wealth and connection. At Least she sold her services to women and not men.

I may not know much, but the act of laying with a man was an ordeal, a chore I would mot want for Any woman.

Why would I wish for a woman to lay there on the cold sheets, counting the number of visible paint bristles on the roof.

Why would I want you to pray for the pain to stop. Do you think I would want you to clench hard to prevent the intruder because your legs was held wide open by the rough hands of the man who was ordained by God to protect you.?

My sister may have been a whore but she was still better than the women who slept with men whether they were under the sanctity of marriage or not.

She stands up and the lifts my little light and sits on her chair. She cradles the stunned child and then cooing at her, takes a bite out of her food.

My grip relaxes on the fork. I feel sleepy. I want to lie down all day. With half lidded eyes and a creeping lethargy slowly puffing into my brain, I look down at my food.

As a show of solidarity to my little light, I offer my little finger to her to grip. She may hate me for my weakness, it still does not change the fact that she doesn't know anyone here. Perhaps a semblance of normalcy is what she needs now

She holds on tight.