The Moon and The Earth

The New Moon Pt. 3

"It means 'new moon'."

Kya's eyebrows raised with a bit of surprise.

Lin and her had talked of children before, years ago. Kya adored children, and they always seemed to adore her. She loved the idea of having kids, but before she had been traveling the world. Leading a nomadic lifestyle wasn't exactly conducive for kids. And after she had found home in the city, there was Lin. And though she was excited by the prospect of this child being in their lives, she was happy and content with her wife and family and she wouldn't change a thing about their life together now. Kya could honestly say she didn't regret not having kids. 

However, children had always been a more sensitive topic for Lin.

Kya knew that it partly had to do with her brother. Tenzin's mission in life, especially when he was younger, was to have children and expand the Air Nomads, to begin to repopulate the world with airbenders and their culture. The responsibility had been handed down to him from their father, ingrained in him really. He had always put immense pressure on Lin, and at the time the last thing she had wanted was children.

It wasn't that Lin didn't like children or that she decided she would never want them, it was only that she saw how other women in the workforce were treated and she was just becoming a respected female police officer. She was still fighting constantly to prove that she had earned her position and that her mother hadn't just given her everything. 

And after a woman became pregnant, she was ousted from her job as if it had only been something to occupy her time before becoming a mother. Lin didn't believe that she couldn't have it all. A job, children, a doting husband, and loving family. A happy life.

Lin only needed time to ensure that her competency would not be questioned as a woman in the workforce, to prove it could be done and done well, and she would be willing to give Tenzin anything.

There turned out to be something else, though.

A very little known fact that, well... Lin couldn't have children. 

She had asked Katara once to evaluate her ability to bear a child because she knew how important it was to Tenzin. She had loved him deeply. She would have found a way to give him the world had he only asked. She was determined to give him a child, to give him as many as her body could healthily bring into existence.

Was her body healthy? That's all she had wanted to know. 

She knew she would have to make some changes. Be stuck on desk duty, low stress work only, eat well and better than whatever she usually had time to stuff in her face as she worked. 

Realistically, she knew that health wasn't the only factor and had come up with a list of concerns in her head for Katara. How long could she expect to be fertile? Did they have time, time to give Tenzin his dream? Or did they need to start now?

But when the content smile Katara usually held had slowly faded, her world was shattered. The future she had envisioned for herself, gone.

She had only just begun to find comfort in knowing what her life was to be. To always have Tenzin by her side, loving her and their children always. She had imagined contentment.

Though Lin knew by the look in Katara's eye, before she had even said a word, that the future she had created in her mind would never come to pass. 

Afterwards, Lin asked Katara for her visit to remain in confidence until she was able to speak to Tenzin. She didn't allow anyone to see her fall apart that night. She ignored Tenzin's call for many days after, not trusting herself to remain composed if she heard or saw even a glimpse of him. She needed a moment to mourn by herself for what she would never have, for herself, and that perfectly envisioned future.

When she told herself that she had to tell Tenzin, whether or not she was ready, because she knew he certainly wouldn't be, Lin went to the island. But that's when she saw them. Tenzin and this little nomad girl and they were much closer, physically but clearly emotionally too, than the best of friends. 

Tenzin tried to talk to Lin, had tried to let her down gently as if this was inevitable. And that's when she lost control.

Lin supposed now that their breakup had been inevitable, ironically. The long-lasting scars of hurt were inevitable too, and though they had slightly faded with time they were still ever present, much like the scars on her face.

Kya could understand why Lin was struggling with this now. Old pain, though dulled by time and acceptance, is still pain after all. Kya wasn't sure if she should suggest taking in the baby or wait for Lin to say so herself. It might be healing for her to say it aloud that she wanted to at least foster the child, but it could just be easier if Kya said it first. In this moment, Kya couldn't tell what she could do to help her wife and it was destroying her as they sat in silence, Lin reliving the past. 

And say they did go through with this, they would continue to be in constant fear of the girl being taken away. Because even if they fostered the child it would only be until relatives were found, and if there were none and the couple decided to move forward with adoption, a judge would still have to deem them capable and worthy of parenting the child. 

They sat looking out the window for a while, neither speaking or moving until Lin ran a curled finger under her eye, wiping away a tear. 

"Linny..." Kya said tenderly. Lin took a deep breath and looked at her wife with misty eyes.

"I want to try, Kya. I want to try to be that baby's mother, her family." Lin said as tears began to fall softly down her face. "She needs a family, Kya. She deserves one."

Kya stood and pulled Lin up with her and enveloped her in a tight embrace. Lin held on just as tightly and only when her grip on her wife began to loosen did Kya let go. 

"I want to, too, Lin." Kya said softly. 

"Really?" Lin asked, there was still a hint of unassuredness in her voice. 

"Really. I want to take her in, foster her while the investigation is open. Let's do this, Lin."