Life Full of Lies

Nightmares?

Nicholas Bretons

I felt a sharp pain on my back and then on my face. I groaned with curses in my mouth. I was thrown off the bed. I put my arm on the bed, getting up. Nora was in my place, sleeping or not, it was hard to tell as I craned my neck and saw that her place was empty.

It wasn't the first time. The first time was the cruelest time ever in my life and when she woke up, she just laughed at me. I endured her laugh because I never heard her laugh but what should I do now? Maybe she laughed because she doesn't want to tell me why she does that or was she making fun of me? I overthink myself while staring at her and waiting for her nightmare session to be over. 

I know she had nightmares, at one point dad told me but I also went to psychologist told symptoms and got to know that she is suffering from PTSD. A psychological disorder where the individual suffered from tension, stress, fear, depression, anxiety or guilty feelings after suffering from traumatic experience or relationship effect.  She moved in her sleep, threw legs -that eventually I got hit at any point- around, sleep talk or sometime if fear clawed more on her brain she screams too. 

And I am hurt seeing her like this. Because there is nothing I can do and there's nothing for me to throw her demons away but I can't do anything. Except I gave her a hug when her session is over, put a light on even though I can't sleep in light, make her comfortable as I can, make her forget about the horrible things for a moment. These are all the things I can do for her. 

"Ahh." Her screaming pulled me out of my thoughts. Her body was drenched in sweat, hands fisted on sheets, her legs not being in one place. My heart clench in invisible fist as her in this state. Did her family really put her in this state? Another scream came out of her lips with a frustrated cry. Tears stream down her face and i can't even wipe it. I stood up soundlessly and sat on the sofa beside the closet door and put my palm under my chin staring at Nora. She mumbled some words with a scream then after I don't know how much time had passed and she finally curled her legs, crying. Sighing, I walked to the bed and lay beside her. 

I gather her in my arms and pull the comforter on us, whispering in her hair. I am sorry, it's over, it's okay, everything is okay. No one is hurting you. No one is coming for you. there's nothing here. Everything is okay. And soon her breathing falls even and she sleeps with her demons again. 

____________________________________

The sharp light and soft fingers made my eyes flutter open. I squinted my eyes then closed them and opened them so they got used to the light but they didn't so I raised my hand to stop their way towards me. Nora smiling face blocked the sun rays. 

"Good morning." She beamed and I smiled at her cheerful expression. 

"It is indeed good morning for you." I commented relaxing my head on the pillow as she put her arms on my chest leaning, her brown eyes turn a shade of darker version with warmth in it and maybe first time I am staring at warm eyes instead of cold eyes.  

"Wake up, I am bored." She said making a pout face. Wow, that is the new Nora I am seeing. A Nora with a pout face never in my dream is long way not even in my imagination. Seeing my surprised expressional her face turned crimson red which my heart skips a beat. I sat running hands through my hair, Nora also sat up. Does she know that she had a nightmare last night? Maybe she was embarrassed by that and acting like this, then again, I am talking about Nora is professional in her practical and normal life. Her emptions awakened very rarely and this moment is one of them or not?

 "Did you sleep well?" I asked her scratching my neck, what a lame question to ask Nico, she literally screamed last night. She nodded her head, and I can't miss a small smile. Maybe she slept well after that or maybe she doesn't remember that she had a session.

"Very well." She whispered but I heard it. As much I don't want to get apart from her but I do and kissed her forehead.

 "That's great." I said and got up from bed, "get ready then." I said and headed to the bathroom. As soon as I got in, I closed the door and released a breadth that I was holding. I think I've gotten trauma seeing her like this? Seth has gotten some but it wasn't that serious. And even if he has, Seth always had me but Nora didn't have anyone, she never had anyone. I look in the mirror of my reflection, just how many nights she has spent like this or how severe would that be, I sighed and splashed water on my face.

I close the tap and glance at my reflection, my eyes hold something light in them, my face is wet because of splashes of water. I bit my lip so I couldn't stop thinking about her but she was right outside, my subconscious shouted at me. I lean my head on the door and bang my head on it, lightly obviously. I closed my eyes and I saw Nora pouting on me, I snapped my eyes open and again splashed some water on me. I close the tap and put my hand there looking at the reflection in the mirror.

"I think I have to accept it." I said to reflection. I again lean my head on the door, "I am literally un done." I said to myself in a mirror. I did my daily routine and came out wearing casual clothes, rubbing towels on my hair to dry them. 

"Oh, I am hungry. Come on." She said setting the breakfast on the table. 

"You wouldn't shower." I asked, throwing the towel on the bed and sitting on the couch as she set the plates. 

"I would after I eat." She said and sat with me popping a strawberry in her mouth, I stare at as realization dawned upon me. 

I am in love with my wife.