The Lion Heart's Club

Chapter 25 - To Love and To Be Loved

Brittney's POV

The air is so refreshing, the scenery is so good to see. Those beautiful flowers makes my lips smile as I see them with different colors. The patients smiling with their families, some visitors are just enjoying the ambience. This hospital has a good garden.

Nakakalimutan ko ngang three months nalang ang buhay ko. I still can't accept it, it always makes me tear up. I don't want to die. Not until I became truly happy, not until I know someone loved me back. I know, I have my parents who love me unconditionally, but I still feel empty.

"Brittney, " I heard him say sabay punas sa luha ko. He held my hand and looked at my eyes, straight.

"Clyde, Clyde I'm scared. I don't want to die." sabi ko at naiyak na ulit ng tuluyan. He hugged me and it just feels so surreal. This is the first time he hugged me again after our break up, or maybe the first hug that he initiated bukod sa pagyakap niya sakin kapag nagwawala ako.

It feels like hell, the one I loved the most is here, so near yet so far. Yung feeling na kasama ko siya, pero ramdam kong hindi ako ang mahal niya. Ang masakit pa, alam ko nang hindi na nga nya ako mahal, umasa parin ako that someday, he'll finally say he love me.

Dapat matagal na akong bumitiw, matagal na kasi akong nasasaktan dahil alam kong kahit kailan, si February lang talaga ang mahal niya. Pero bakit hindi ko ginawa? Because I love him and I don't care whether he uses me to protect his princess, even tho it means hurting myself. Masochist.

Wala namang matalino kapag pag-ibig ang usapan, hindi ba?

"Sorry sa lahat ng nagawa ko sayo. Sorry, nasaktan kita, at patuloy na nasasaktan. I'm sorry." sabi niya sabay yuko.

I want to be with him, I want to feel that he loves me back, I want to feel that he cares for me more than a friend or a fucking sibling. I want him even just for three months, even just before I die. But that's impossible.

"Clyde, be happy for me. Please?" masakit. It hurts, if I said I wish him the best I was lying. I want him the best, but I hope the best with me. I can't stop my tears from falling. I may say I'm okay but I know my eyes tells I'm not.

"Gusto kong maging masaya karin, kahit...kahit sa huling saglit lang. Brittney, tinulungan mo akong maprotektahan si Eight at tatanawin ko yun na utang na loob." sabi niya. He wipes my tears away.

"Sabihin mo lang. Gagawin ko. Kahit...kahit maging tayo ulit. Hindi ba't nangako ako sayo na babayaran kita sa lahat ng tulong mo? Brittney, nandito lang ako." I can't deny that I'm shocked with what he had said. Feeling ko biglang nagkaroon ng hope sa buhay ko. Feeling ko, sobra sobra na ang three months basta kasama ko siya.

I promise you, hindi ko na kayo guguluhin ni Clyde.

My voice echoed in my mind. I made February a promise. I hate breaking promises, but I don't want to break myself. Anong gagawin ko? I don't want to be selfish, but hindi naman siguro masama kung ibrebreak ko muna yun diba? I'm dying! I just want Clyde by my side for three months then that's it. Everyone can pity me. But not when I'm alive.

"Clyde, kahit na maging tayo?" I said between my sobs. He nodded then wipe my eternal tears.

"Gusto kong sumaya karin, dahil alam ko kahit kailan...sakit lang ang naidulot ko sayo. Sorry Brittney." sabi niya. I'm sorry February. I'll have to be selfish this now.

"Be mine, and don't tell anybody about my condition. " I told him. I can see he's a bit confused.

I think sobrang magtatanong si February at ang buong barkada nila kapag naging kami ulit ni Clyde, then he'll tell them about my condition para lang maintindihan nila kung bakit niya yun ginawa. Then everyone will pity me, everytime they'll see us together, and I hate that. Okay na sana kung kami nalang dalawa ni Clyde ang maaawa sa situation ko. Hwag na sila.