THREE NIGHTS (Complete)

Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Unravelled

It's 5 am. The shrill sound of the alarm clock startles me. I open my eyes. Lawrence's side of the bed is a mess of crinkled sheets. He's nowhere to be seen. My eyes dart to the French doors. The weather outside is far from delightful. In fact, it's downright gloomy. The skyline has disappeared behind a haze of fog.

On a clear day, all the surrounding rooftops, including Kensington Palace are visible. I prop myself up on one elbow and lean my head in the palm of my hand. I wonder if Lawrence is in the bathroom.

There is a piece of paper propped on top of his pillow. I turn to switch on the night light, and a sinking feeling swells in my stomach. I pick it up the read the message inside.

Savannah,

I can't bare to see you leave this morning knowing I might never wake up next to you again. There's a one-way ticket back to London at the breakfast bar. I hope you'll change your mind and use it. The flight leaves at 7 am Eastern Time—on your wedding day. I'll wait for you. It will be 7 pm, London time. If you don't show up—I'll understand. I'll respect that, and never contact you again.

L.

PS. I can remain the man who only made love to you these last few nights, or become the man you make love with for eternity.

Whatever you decide...I will never forget you.

Emotionally broken, I break down into a cry as ugly as the day my father left me. I'm heartbroken, if only for breaking his heart. I won't take the ticket, it will give him a sense of hope and I'm done messing with his head. The tides have turned. Lawrence is my past. Ben is my future.

I finish my shower and gather my things to leave. The door knocks on my way to the foyer. My pulse races, could it be Lawrence? Why would he knock? I open the door and see Joe looking down at me.

"Good morning Miss. I'm here to fetch you, and take you to the airport."

"Good morning Joe. Thanks for coming."

My heart constricts. I stop in the entryway, one last time and look back at the suite that accommodated my most euphoric fantasies the last three days. I want to capture every detail in my memory so I can hold on to it forever.

"Ahem," Joe clears his throat, a signal to let me know it's time to go. I glance at him. He gives me a thoughtful smile and grabs my luggage. I take a deep breath in and exit the suite heavy with overwhelming sadness.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we have reached a cruising altitude of 38,000 feet. We expect a smooth flight ahead. Please relax and enjoy the flight."

I lean my forehead against the cold windowpane and watch as London disappears from my sight. I'm 38,000 feet away from the real, true love of my life, and there's no turning back. Settling against my seat, I close my eyes.

Out of nowhere, I feel a sudden urge to vomit, and throw up in my lap. My life is a complete mess, and now—so are my brand-new Pepe jeans.

After days of wrestling with my feelings, my wedding day has arrived. My Maid of Honor, Candice closes the washroom door and helps me with my dress so I can pee. I sit re-evaluating the last few days. I made an honest effort, not to think about Lawrence, or what happened in London. I realized it only made sense to delete and block his number from my phone, and I removed all traces of him from my computer. There was absolutely no reason to hold on to those things, our communications were now null and void. It's the only way. I have an obligation to Ben, my family, and my friends...this was my destiny.

My inner voice kept on talking; What about the obligation to yourself...? Don't you matter...? What would your father think? Are you willing to settle? You're sacrificing your life...

Jesus Christ! I don't know! Yes! No! Get out of my head...! I'm on the verge of tears when I hear Candice calling me.

"You done Savannah?" Candice shouts from the other side of the door.

"Yeah, come in," I reply. Suck it up Savannah, you're getting married today.

As my godfather walks me down the aisle, I hear low murmurings and gasps from guests commenting on my Vera Wang gown. Ben is looking at me, his expression impassive. I have no idea what he's thinking. My godfather hands me over to him and takes a seat in the front row.

I stand before Ben and feel no emotion. I search his eyes—and see no spark.

"Do you Benito Farino, take Savannah Graham, to be your wife?

"I do," he replies, taking my hand. His touch doesn't resonate. I hear his voice—and it hurts my heart. My eyes drift from Ben to the oversized clock on the wall behind him.

It's 2 p.m., Lawrence! He's waiting for me. I'm sure of it. I picked up the plane ticket on my way out that morning. He'll be expecting me. I have to see him. I have to tell him. He has to know that he's the one—he's always been the one. The marriage officiates voice, brings me back to the present.

"Savannah, do you take Ben—"

"—Ben, I'm so sorry. I can't...I'm so sorry," I cry, grab either side of my gown, and run out of the church as if it were on fire.

My godmother and Candice follow me outside.

"Honey, what's wrong, what's going on?" I hear the strain in my godmother's voice. I don't want to stress her. How can I tell her what's wrong? What will she think of me? She cups my chin gently, with her thin, aging, fingers.

"Auntie, I can't go through with this wedding. I've been deceiving Ben...everyone..." I cry ashamed and humiliated. "But most of all, I've been lying to myself." I sit on a hilly mound of freshly sodded grass behind the church and sob into the crinoline of my beautiful satin gown.

"Honey...it will all work out. Sometimes we get cold feet. But Ben is in there waiting for you," she consoles me, rubbing my back.

At the risk of sounding facetious, I blurt out a comment once expressed by Ben.

"He'll be fine without me! He has a good job, a nice car, and great credit! He's a hot commodity out here. He'll be fine without me."

"Savannah!" she snaps surprised.

"Auntie! You don't understand...I don't have cold feet. I practically begged Ben for the ring, we never spend quality time together, we had sex once this month, and when I went to London last week—he only checked up on me once. He doesn't give me what I need. I'm in love with someone else, so I can't marry Ben."

My godmother's reaction is compassionate. "So you're really not happy?"

"No auntie...not with Ben. I don't think I ever was." I murmur shamefully. I can't marry him..."

"Sweetheart..." she smiles endearingly. "You have to embrace love where you find it. It's your life, not ours. Go get your life baby girl!" I sob in her bosom, grateful for her support.

Candace throws me a wink and stoops down to hug me. "We'll handle everything from here."

"I love you guys," I tell them. "I just need some time alone."

"No worries honey, take all the time you need," my godmother reassures me.

"Hey Candice," I call out as she turns to walk away.

"Yeah."

I pull the engagement ring off my finger. "Will you give this to Ben for me?" She takes the ring and gives me a sympathetic smile.

"Sure."