State Of Grace

Chapter 29 - Better Man

The first night in the new group home was sleepless for Gracie, she was constantly in fear that if she breathed the wrong way, Amber would snap. Her new/old roommate fell asleep quickly, but she tossed and turned all night. Every rustle of the bed sheets or squeak of the springs made Gracie flinch. She had felt sick to her stomach since the second she arrived.

Amongst all of her anxiety, she tried to remain hopeful. All she had to do was get through today, it wouldn't be easy, but at least tomorrow she would see her mothers again. It was just a shame she also had to see her homophobic birth father, she had already decided that she could never give him a chance after putting her through this.

In the morning, Linda bashed on all of the bedroom doors after unlocking them, "Breakfast in fifteen minutes," she called out.

A disgruntled Amber sat up and groaned before she got out of bed, Gracie avoided eye contact as she left the room. Finally, she had a moment alone. She had no control over the tears that started streaming from her eyes, but she held her breath so she didn't make a noise, knowing that Amber could come back any second. She gave herself a moment to gather herself, and once the tears had stopped, she got dressed and went downstairs.

Breakfast was the only meal that the girls didn't have to make themselves, but it meant that all that there was to eat was a bowl of stale, flavorless cereal that was hard to chew and a glass of lukewarm water to wash it down. She hadn't realized how spoiled she'd been at the Tucker's, every morning Stella and Lilah would lay out a spread, eggs, bacon, toasted bagels, the whole nine yards. Sometimes on the weekends they'd make waffles or pancakes too and spend the morning at the table as a family. Every meal was always so filling that she'd forgotten what it was like to go hungry for days at a time. It wasn't like she was being starved again, it just made her miss her family even more. She wondered if they missed her just as much, or if they were getting on with their lives without her.

With it being Gracie's first day, she was allowed a few hours to herself to unpack her things and get settled in. Of course, she was locked in her room for this. She didn't bother unpacking, her mothers would be coming to get her tomorrow, so she sat on her bed and opened up her therapy journal.

She spun her pen around her fingers mindlessly, the blank page in front of her was supposed to be a place for her to unload her feelings, but she was unable to put her thoughts into words.

Instead, Gracie started flipping through the pages that were filled from top to bottom with messy scribbles of her intrusive thoughts, entries dating back to her first few weeks with the Tuckers. The pen marks were darker in some places, with a deep indentation beneath them, like she'd been writing with a weight on her wrist.

That afternoon, Gracie was in the schoolroom trying to study. She'd brought some of her school books from home, hoping she would be back in time for exams. But she could only think of her family. Right about now, the Tuckers would be getting home from school and work and getting ready for dinner. She imagined them all sitting around the table talking about their day, she longed to be back home.

She remembered that she and Danny were supposed to deliver their presentation today, had he done it on his own? And Marco, he and Gracie were supposed to share laundry duty for another week as punishment for their unauthorized road trip across the border. She hated that she'd let her brothers down.

After the girls had dinner, they were divided into two groups, one team would do the laundry and take the trash out, and Gracie's team would clean the kitchen from top to bottom. Amber was on Gracie's team, so it was hard for her to avoid the older girl. Luckily, with witnesses in the room, Amber wouldn't be stupid enough to try anything.

The girls lined up against the wall while Linda inspected the kitchen, "Okay, good job girls," she nodded, "Free time."

'Free time' was just code for being locked in their rooms until the morning. Gracie took the time to try and study again. She could feel Amber's eyes on her as she buried her face in a book, trying to seem unbothered. She tried to ignore her, pretending she was back at home and it was just Maia or Riley sitting across from her.