State Of Grace

Chapter 2 - The Very First Night

The sterile scent of chemicals wafted through the room, and Gracie's eyes fluttered open. She had an inkling of where she was, and when she saw the bright white light above her suspicions were confirmed. She'd landed herself in the hospital.

"Oh, you're awake," a woman said. "How are you feeling?" The nurse stood at Gracie's bedside, rebandaging her wrist.

Gracie started to panic, now that she'd been hospitalized again, it was only a matter of time before she was sent to an emergency foster placement or somewhere far worse.

"It was an accident, I wasn't trying to do that," she told the nurse. She wanted to be honest and tell her what Amber had done, but she couldn't, Amber would go berserk and hurt her again, only much worse. It was safer to keep it to herself.

"It's okay, stay calm," the nurse said.

But Gracie was already starting to hyperventilate. The thought of going to an emergency foster home was even more daunting than going back to her group home with Amber. Gracie had stayed in emergency homes before, none of them should have been legal. The parents were abusive, usually, they were addicts, and the houses themselves were falling apart as much as the so-called parents were.

"No, they're going to send me away again!" Gracie cried out. The nurse did all she could to console the girl, but nothing could stop one of Gracie's panic attacks once they started.

Her heart felt like it was going to beat right out of her chest, she was sweating so much that the sheets started to feel damp, and the nurse trying to hold her down only made her hysteria worse. Gracie's eyes darted around, surveying the room, searching for an escape route. She felt like she was back in that bedroom with Amber. She watched as the nurse called out into the hall, and another nurse arrived holding a syringe.

"Please, no," Gracie pleaded. Before she had a chance to convince the nurse otherwise, she was already pushing the needle into Gracie's vein.

Her grasp around the nurse's arms loosened, and Gracie's body went limp as she drifted off to sleep, wondering what she had done to deserve the life she was given. The thought floated around her mind in her dreams all night, and when she woke up the next morning, she wished she hadn't.

Part of her hated Amber for what she had done to her, but another part agreed with her reasonings.

'I should do it. She's right, I should just end it now, so no one else has to,' she thought to herself, 'It's not like anyone would miss me.'

Then, she thought of Sarah, her best friend, her one flickering flame in the dark. They'd only known each other for a short while but either one of them would be lost without the other. Sarah was the only thing in life that Gracie was sure about, she wasn't about to hurt her best friend by taking her own life.

"Gracie?" A tall woman in a suit poked her head around the door. Anita, her social worker, walked in wheeling Gracie's suitcase behind her, "What happened?" She sat down on the edge of Gracie's bed, her face full of pity with a hint of disappointment.

"Anita, I'm sorry, it was an accident. It wasn't supposed to be like this, I swear," Gracie was panicking again, but the sedation hadn't completely worn off, so she managed not to have another panic attack. She explained to Anita that she had accidentally cut herself too deep, and promised she would never do it again. Gracie was a good liar, so it wasn't hard to convince her.

Anita usually liked to beat around the bush, but she blurted out, "I think it's time we move you on again, I've found you a temporary placement,"
the very words Gracie was dreading to hear.

"No, please no." She was terrified of whatever horrors a new placement might hold, though going back to her shared room with Amber was just as daunting a thought.