Fashion It Away

11

Desk, cleaned. Coffee has been had. Music, just the way I like it. Sketchbooks, laptop, pencils, markers? Check. Check. Check. Also, check. Then why the hell am I getting distracted? Although the designs on my portal are still getting enough orders, I wanted to work on something new. Something more.

But, to my surprise, it has been 2 hours and I haven't drawn a single line. This has never happened before. And for some reason, my cheeks are hurting.

No. Wait. Not for "some reason", but because of constantly smiling.

I have replayed yesterday in my mind a million times, yet I can't get enough of it. Every word. Every look. His minty fragrance. His eyes. The way his lips moved when he said he loved me. The way his lips felt against mine.

When I woke up this morning, all of this felt like a beautiful dream. I was, in fact, almost convinced that it was a dream until I checked my phone, where a text was already waiting for me.

Rajat: Good morning love! [two read hearts]

Nitya: So, now we're calling each other names too? [shy emoji]

Rajat: Well, it wouldn't hurt anybody to mark what's mine, now that I officially have her, no? [wink emoji]

We texted back and forth till we had no time left to keep texting. We said our goodbyes and decided on meeting in the evening as usual.

I managed to start a new design by the time Rajat came. Aanchal has been in her coaching center since before I woke up today, as I slept in. I had to, after what happened yesterday. She has her all-day classes from today, as her exams were around the corner. And so, I am guessing I am going to see much less of her in the next few months.

Rajat came, right when I took a break to make myself some coffee. I shouldn't be having coffee this late, yet here I am making it anyway. Rajat put his bag and helmet on the counter next to our door, and slowly made his way to the kitchen.

He hugged me from behind and planted a gentle kiss on my neck which, evidently, made me gasp. He stiffened a bit at my reaction. 'I didn't mean...', 'It's fine', I said before he could complete, tapping on his hand to assure him. He scanned me for a few seconds and loosened up while snuggling behind me. All of this was new, and I sure was having a hard time wrapping my head around it. But I am positive I am going to get there.

'Had a good day?', I asked trying to shift my mind from thinking anything else. 'Mmh. Maybe,' he said against my neck. I turned to face him with two cups of coffee. He looked down at the cup and then back at me, and gave me a relieved smile. 'Just what I needed', he said.

I placed the coffee on the table and sat, while Rajat made his way to the chair beside me. 'How was your day?', he asked me taking a sip from his cup. 'It was good. I guess...' I trailed off.

I really didn't know how to answer that. I had a good day. I was just... distracted a bit, I guess?! No big deal. I looked up at Rajat only to find him staring at me, with an expression asking me to elaborate. 'It's nothing', I said rolling my eyes at him. 'But it is, something too', he demanded. Like I could get away with that. 'I had a good day. Really. It's just, I've been distracted since this morning,' I sighed, circling the rim of my coffee mug.

'Thinking about me?', he asked, arching one of his brows higher. I shot him a look, which only made him smirk, while he stared straight into my eyes from above his glasses.

It was disturbing to realize how that one look was making it hard for me to breathe. I tried my best to play it cool. Until I couldn't anymore. Gathering all the pieces of my broken self-respect I admitted. 'Yes.' And something changed in his eyes. As if admitting what he just said, caught him off-guard.

He held my gaze for several seconds before speaking. 'I see.' He stopped.

'What happened?' I asked, not knowing what about my confession was making him that way. Wasn't that supposed to count... as a compliment for him?

He took the time to answer me. As if trying to frame, how exactly he wanted to put whatever he was going to say. He then slowly reached for my hand. His touch was feather-light, but he was yet to hold it. I assume when he saw I didn't flinch at his contact like before, his fingers met my palm and gripped it firmly.

I stared at our hands and looked up to meet his eyes. I didn't know what else to do. Or say.

'See. As much as I love you, I would hate to be the reason, that makes you describe your day as "good", but along with a "but" in the end.' He spoke. Pure concern flashed on his face. 'I know all of this is very, very new. Especially to you.'

The fact that all of this wasn't as new to him as it was to me. The fact that he has been with women before me, made me burn a little. 'I don't want—', 'Stop.' I said, bringing my other hand, to the back of his hand that held mine. He stopped.

'You didn't, and you would never be anything, that affects me negatively.' I squeezed his hand in assurance. 'Yes, this is new to me. Yes, I've never been a girlfriend before. But here I am. With you.' His lips started inching higher. 'And you don't know how powerful I feel having you by my side. So don't... ever... say that again.'

He smiled while nodding his head. Seeing him smile, I smiled too. 'And if that's any consolation, thinking about you only made me giddy, and jump like a rabbit, which was probably worth a whole week's workout.' And that made him laugh.

I felt proud, for being able to lighten him up. But that doesn't mean I said all of that just to cheer him up. I meant every word I said. He has been standing beside me like a pillar, ever since we met. Taking in everything I threw on him.

AndI wanted to do the same for him. I wanted him to feel safe with me. I wantedhim to know that he could rely on me, no matter what. I wanted to be the personhe deserves to be with. And I would.