unexpected. || SKEPHALO

chapter eighteen.

B A D

skeppy's right. it is self harm. i guess i only ever thought of self harm as cutting, but he's right. this is a form of it...

we sat in silence for a bit, he probably knew i needed a minute to process this. but it was interrupted when the waitress came over with our food. the same waiter who thought we were a couple... that shocked me, do we really look like that from an outsiders view?

i took small bites out of my cheese toastie, it was really delicious to be honest. but not even a lovely meal could distract my mind. self harm... i never thought i'd ever have to result to that. but with my bad anxiety, my nerves and all the changes that've been happening in my life recently, i guess it was just too much.

i find it easier to concentrate when i'm fidgeting with something, like picking at my skin. i know its not the healthiest, but it calms my mind down for a few seconds and thats more than what i want. all the thoughts, all the possibilities can drive me insane sometimes...

"i have an idea." skeppy's voice woke me up from the trance i was being pulled into.
"what is it?" my eyebrow raised with curiosity.
"finish your food, i want to take you somewhere." he said with a gentle smile, and i chuckled in amusement.

eventually, i finished my cheese toastie, as did skeppy, and then we made our way back to the car.
"so, where are we going?" i asked while fastening my seatbelt. skeppy glanced over to me, and i looked back at him.
"it's a surprise." he said without looking away. i could feel my cheeks going pink at the eye contact. i awkwardly grinned widely before turning to face the road, my face was bright red. i could just feel it. he giggled, probably at the amount of blush spread across my face, and then also turned to the road.

we pulled up outside a specific store that confused me. the entertainer was a shop i was familiar with. but i was confused to why we were here.
"skeppy, this is a kids store." i stated bluntly, and he glared at me with offended eyes.
"no its not" he huffed, "its a toy store."
"and toys are for kids." i finished for him, but he didn't seem to like that. he just rolled his eyes to me, and then wordlessly got out the car. i took the hint, following him out the vehicle and across the car park.

as we were strolling across the pavement, skeppy slipped his hand effortlessly into mine. it didn't surprise me too much at this point, it wasn't the first time he had done it. our hands fit perfectly together, but then i wondered why that thought crossed my mind. whatever, i'm not going to dwell on it.

we walked into the shop, hand in hand, and skeppy was smiling widely with amusement. he was clearly happy with himself... "come on." he pulled on my hand as he led me down a shopping aisle. there were many toys, some of which i had never seen before. but as i focused on some of the designs, "fidget toys?" i pondered. he picked one up, separating our hands and started fidgeting with it. he moved it into different positions, and it made a little clickey noise every time it moved joint. it was blue and green, and looked very complicated. so when skeppy passed it to me, i had no idea what to do with it.

"here." he said, holding onto my hands and guiding me to fidget with it. he showed me how to click it into different patterns and positions. it was nice.

"why are we here, skeppy?" i couldn't help but ask.
"i don't want you hurting yourself anymore." he said, and i could tell the atmosphere instantly shifted. "maybe instead of picking at your fingers, you could fidget with this."

my eyes looked into his with total admiration. nobody had ever cared about me like this. nobody had ever gone to such lengths to help me. maybe thats why i'm feeling like this, i'm sure its nothing else. i just like the attention, thats all — i'm sure. "so, what colour?" he asked, snapping me out of my thoughts.

after we bought the fidget toys, we made our way back to the car. we purchased two fidget toys, since i couldn't decide between the blue and green, or the purple and orange. so, skeppy bought both, of course. it took me awhile to convince him not to buy all the colours, so we decided on just the two. that boy has a serious obsession with spoiling me.

while we were driving home, skeppy had one hand on the wheel and his other resting on my hand calmly. i was stroking his palm with my thumb as we sat in silence, the radio playing soft songs in the background.

eventually we got home and we both immediately unwinded on the couch. i was fidgeting with my new toy, and too be honest i really liked it. after all, it was a lot healthier which made me feel good when i used it.
"want some food?" skeppy asked while sitting besides me. "pizza." i muttered back to him. he chuckled at my response before pulling out his phone to order our meal.