2 Halves of 1 [COMPLETED]

Jeff

I just watched Bible's reaction as he listened to my confession. It was driving me mad, that I was behaving irrationally around him and I would rather confess to him than keep it to myself, behaving like an idiot.

"Phi...I mean Jeff... did you just hear yourself?"

"I know what I'm saying Bi. Do you know what I'm saying?"

He nodded, albeit reluctantly a few seconds later. He took a step back, unsure of how to respond.

"I don't expect or demand a reply if that's what you are worrying about. I just wanted to let you know. Because I hated that I was behaving irrationally around you and not telling you and making you even more confused. I know we are public figures and yea.. and.. yea.. you don't have to act on it. Or respond."

"You sure?"

This time, I nodded but reluctantly. He acknowledged it and went to get a drink and I turned away to my guitar, berating myself privately. Why the fuck did I not ask him for a reply?! I mean we are public figures but we have our own private lives. You mean we can't date?! Wait, maybe he is straight? Jesus, did I just confess to a man who is straight? What must he be thinking of me????

"Nothing. I'm not judging you."

"Huh?!"

"You spoke your ramblings out loud. I'm not judging you. And no I'm not straight. But you are right. I wouldn't want to date you either. You are a wonderful guy Jeff but I work with you and I prefer to keep my personal and professional lives separate. Plus, you are a good friend that I wouldn't want to let go of. Let's just keep it as a Phi Nong relationship ok?"

I stared dumbfounded at Bible. Getting a reply was good. But wow, my confession got shot down and buried before it even had a chance to take flight. I just nodded my head, forcing a smile to my face.

"Definitely. Thank you for being honest Bi. Now, let's finish up those chords ok?"

Bible nodded and got his guitar. I sat next to him but didn't hold his hand this time. He didn't need it anyway. He could play the chords this time and I let it be. Bible left around 11pm and once I closed the door on him, I turned around to face my empty hall, only to find tears streaming down my face.

Fuck my life.

The next day, thankfully I had nothing on. I just rested. My manager had come by to pass some things, saw my red rimmed eyes and demanded to know what happened. I told him everything. Poor man gasped and didn't know how to respond. I smiled, saying it was ok and that I will be fine.

The next 2 weeks saw me really busy with work and back to back gigs. Work was good as it kept me occupied. But it was an exhausting schedule and I often missed my meals. A few were with the KP cast so I still met Bible but I just kept it casual. I was conscious and very aware of my behaviour around him. But my days usually ended at 2am and by the time I got home, I was so tired I wouldn't eat and the cycle would repeat. I subsisted mainly on coffee and water and protein bars.

At a KP fan meet 2 weeks later, once it was done, we were all at the carpark walking back towards our cars when I collasped. I fell right on the spot into Build's arms who was next to me. I was sent to the hospital for checks and forced to be on bed rest for about a week. I was so pissed that it messed with my schedule and didn't want to listen but my manager scolded me.

I was sent home after being at the hospital on drips. I got home and had jsut gotten a shower, dressed and came out when my door bell rang. I opened the door to find Bible standing there with a small luggage.

"Bi..what are you doing here?

"I'm staying here for this week whilst you are on medical leave. To make sure you don't sneak off to work and you are eating properly."

"You don't need to do that. I'm not a child na. I'm ok on my own."

"Are you sure? Because you just collasped on someone. I find out from your manager you been skipping your meals. You keep piling on engagements and appointments."

"Work calls so I have to do it. And I haven been skipping meals per se."

"Coffee, water and protein bars aren't food Jeff!"

"How did you..."

"I have seen the number of coffees you chug during our events alone. You think I can't tell?"

"Bible, relax. I'm ok now. I don't need a babysitter. You can go home. I can look after myself."

"No. I don't trust you. I'm staying here to keep an eye."

"Just go home Bible. I'm your Phi. So listen. God damn it. I'm fine. I'm not dying am I!?"

Bible flinched when I raised my voice. I never lose my cool so he was shocked to see that.

"Bible. I'm..."  I never completed my apology as Bible hugged me tight.

"I'm not going. I'm staying. I don't want to lose you. And even if it means you are going to be pissed at me, it's fine but I'm staying here put. Don't chase me away please."

I sighed and held onto Bible tightly. I missed him so so so so ooooo much that I just gave in and didn't let him go. Bible held onto me equally as tightly and finally about a minute or two later, we pulled away.

Bible's eyes were teary and I found myself wiping his tears away. But in return, he wiped mine too. Fuck, shit, I was crying in front of him?!

I quickly pulled away, turning, wanting to wipe my tears myself. But Bible pulled me back and twirled me towards him.

"You can be the way you want to, in front of me. I will never judge you. And I'm always going to be here for you."

My heart softened when I heard that but I also knew it wasn't good for my heart and mind long term. 

"I appreciate that Bible but I cannot be myself 100% around you. The feelings I have for you will only become stronger and that's not good either. I need to let them go, remember? So, don worry. I know you will be there for me but I'm not going to let you catch me in my vulnerability. I hope you understand."

I turned to walk away but before I disappeared into my room, I told Bible to make himself comfortable in my guest room.