13
Ben
The lyrics from a ridiculous sappy love song sluggishly poured away from my iPod to my headphones as I buried my head deeper into my pillow. What did I just do? And more importantly, why did I do it? The one time I actually had something good, beautiful and worthy of every single ounce of my attention in my life, I just flicked it away.
I lied to her, pretending that I didn't care about her. Truth was, I needed her, wanted her, and taking advantage of her like that was disgusting, but it was better for her that I was bending her feelings now than later. I didn't deserve her. Not at all. I'd only end up hurting her, or worse, taint her with my pain.
She was the sole ray of sunshine inside of my grey cloudy sky and I sent her away.
I hated myself for that. I truly felt horrible.
And for once, the emotional pain transcended the physical pain beyond any words and I felt sick. It didn't hurt in a way I could ever describe with metaphores or similes because no amount of punches or kicks was comparable to the blow I took because of the regret I was cribbled with.
I wish I had done things differently with her. If I, perhaps, had taken my time with her, or had come clean about my past sooner, maybe, just maybe there could've been a chance that we'd still be together on that very moment.
If I hadn't lashed out at her like that and ignored her, maybe, just maybe I'd still be holding her up in my arms, with the conscious fear that I would one day end up breaking her.
But one thing was sure.
I needed to get her back, no matter the cost. I had to erase my wrongs and start over. I had to be good. Good to myself. Good enough for her.
I'll be good.
YOU ARE READING
Bruises (BWWM)
Romantik"She was the healing to my bruises. And for that, Tamra Remway was my silver lining." Tamra never thought she'd become so involved into being Ben Sutters' worst nightmare by entering his life, simply by curiosity. Ben was a rebellious, broken, rude...
