only if; [seungin]

IX

-you make me realize, ive longed for you

seungmin was absent for two weeks, no one spoke a word about him.

jeongin went on with life, but still had a whole camera roll of him and seungmin stuck in his mind.

jeongin sucked it up, might as well fall along seungmins footsteps, get drunk, get high, sleep, and repeat.

actually that sucks.

jeongin cried, in realization he lost a possible lover and a friend.

maybe was too selfish but, he was just so excited to have seungmin to himself, he's been single for...way too long now.[cant blame him]

--

"quit crying jeongin! its not like he died." jisung hit him in the arm.

"i'm not crying..." jeongin sniffled.

he seesawed in the bowl back and forth.

"you are!!!" changbin complained from the top of the bowl.

"no, i am not!!" jeongin yelled.

"changbin! why did you get him so-"

"shut up! shut up! all of you guys! i'm trying to get my mind off of him and the things i've done, i might of been a shitty friend but, i can forgive myself from being like that." jeongins chest heaved after he said all of that.

"are-"

"i'm going home." jeongin jumped off his skateboard, he climbed out of the bowl and he could be heard bawling his eyes out.

---

"seungmin- c'mon, come outside." felix knocked on seungmins door.

its been the fifth time today it smells like somethings burning from seungmins room, he maybe burning the absolute shit out of a candle but...god five times a day?

seungmin opened the door slightly, "what."

"i wanna talk...c'mon-" felix tried to pull the door even further.

seungmin let him, he smelt like smoke, his eyes and nose red.

"is it that serious that you're burning everything in your room and your crying every two seconds?" felix sighed, sympathetically of course.

"shut up! its fine, i'm fine." seungmin rubbed his dribbling nose.

"uhm...actually how about i'll just get you a humidifier and we can talk later, why don't you recover and talk to me when you want to." felix closed the door.

he scrambled to fill the humidifier and felix came back to open the door, to see seungmin standing the exact same position he was when he left him.

"here, come out when you don't smell like smoke and look like shit, okay?" felix closed the door again.

god.

why are they both...a mess?

------

jeongin looked like a piece of garbage, he avoided all his friends and family members, he didn't come down to eat with his family nor did he respond to any of the text messages and calls they've been spamming him.

same goes with seungmin, at least he's getting better. his nose and eyes couldn't be better, he's trying to get away from vaping, but...whatever, and there's a pleasant look on seungmins face now.

he's fully recovered.

but jeongin...not so much.

-

"jeongin, respond to me will you?" chan asks, as jeongin lays his head on a table in the back.

his eyes spaced out and red. his nose stuffy and irritated. 

"are you okay?" minho brushes jeongins ear.

"i'm fine." 

 "seriously...changbin and jisung talked about how you snapped at them, you've...never done that." chan muttered.

"is it not normal for me to be angry now?" jeongin grumbles.

"i- i'm not saying its wrong, your such a free spirited person...i've never seen you...or heard you so angry." chan continued.

one tear fell out of jeongins eyes.

he started sobbing loudly, minho rushed to wipe away his tears, shushing him, as he cradles jeongin in his hands.

chan quietly takes a photo, but puts away his phone, wiping jeongins tears quickly.

"only if he loved me...if he knew i actually did love him...and i wanted him to be mine...only if- if he actually listened, i wouldn't- be crying...right now." jeongin sat up.

"is that it? is that all you've wanting to say? are you okay? jeongin?" minho shakes jeongin.

he fell asleep.

"damn!! i got that on camera!" chan quips.

"for- fuck sakes! chan!!" minho glares at him.

--

seungmin sat next to felix with a cup of tea in his hands.

"so?" felix looks at seungmin.

"i hate him." seungmin states.

"no...no you don't"

"i guess...you are right." seungmin set down his cup of tea.

"okay, tell me...seriously."

"truthfully, he was a dick, and i was acting super duper clingy and obsessive with him but! we just met, that's too cliché...right?" seungmin turned to look at felix.

"i mean i don't...blame you." felix snorted, "but it is definitely cliché."

"i have to admit i am...well yeah i am in love with him." seungmin sips his tea nonchalantly.

"huh? wh- huh?" felix looks at seungmin with horrid written on his face.

 "yeah! but whatever, i'll talk to him tomorrow...uh." seungmin fiddles with the end of the tea bag.

"seriously...?" felix deadpanned.

"well...only if he believed me, maybe he'd understand what the fuck is going on...and why i slapped him, but yeah, i love him honestly, if he could give me a second to give him some thought...we'd be dating by now."

"huh? you- what?? seungmin! you didn't tell me you slapped him!"

"violence is a way to silence people..." seungmin, again sips his tea.

"whatever, just, fine go to sleep, we'll figure this out tomorrow?" felix sighed, he stood up.

"yup! okay, thanks...bye."

--

[A/N: HEYY hi this is all you get. wait tmmr im posting smt tomorrow i hope HHAHAHAHAUDHAUDHUADHAIhoho ok Y=BYE merry christm ass]