Between the Stacks

Chapter 48

It was the rain that woke me up the next morning, lashing and streaming against my window. A phrase flashed through my mind, reminiscent of my English degree days: pathetic fallacy. Isn't that what it was called when the weather matched the mood of the novels I've read over the years?

Somehow I was reminded of the story I'd read to the children. Wendy in the clouds, Wendy who could fly, Wendy who could paint the sky with her imagination. Laying in my bed, my sheets twisted, I couldn't be further away from those cotton candy clouds.

Nothing to lose. I thought of what Ms. Linaberry had mentioned yesterday. If I had nothing to lose, what would I do next?

I'd want to know if I was right. If I was onto something.

The worst had already happened. I'd been fired - and I'd survived. I'd been fearing it for so long, after the fire, after the performance plan discussions. Now the worst had come and gone and I'd survived.

I wanted to know if any of this had been worth it.

I scrambled towards my phone and sent a text before I could think better of it. I'm going to talk to Katherine Jaworski, I sent to Scott. Then I turned off my phone before I could realize how unreasonable I was being.

She wasn't doing anything wrong. The CEO herself couldn't be mired in whatever conspiracy theory I was mulling over. Maybe she would at least have answers as to what private information had been found on my computer.

Normally I would never think of jumping straight to the CEO herself for an answer, but the words rang like a bell in my head. Nothing to lose.

The lights flickered ominously as I stripped out of my pajamas and threw on the first clean shirt I could find. Well, the first sort-of clean shirt I could find; I grimaced when I saw how much laundry I still needed to do. If the power went out today, I really didn't want to scrub my clothes by hand.

I ate a few spoonfuls of cereal - it wouldn't be great if I was hangry during this conversation - and grabbed an umbrella before rushing out the door. I needed answers.

---

I splurged on an Uber. My driver was chatty, and I did my best to talk about the weather (terrible, eh?) and my thoughts on traffic (always rough, it's faster to walk, har har har). By the time we rolled up to the gleaming façade of the Main branch I felt halfway to normal.

Was this a huge mistake?

Maybe. Probably. Absolutely, yes.

My driver pulled away, and I had no choice but to dash into the atrium to avoid melting in the rain. The library had only opened a few minutes ago, judging from the staff who were still booting up the public computers. A few patrons already browsed the shelves.

"Good morning," someone said from behind me.

I jumped and did my best to look Not At All Guilty, which probably made me look Very Guilty Indeed.

It turned out to be a curly-haired librarian. "Can I help you at all?"

"Just browsing," I said, trying to make a vague gesture with my arm. "I've never been here before."

I regretted the lie as soon as I saw the gleam in the woman's eyes. "That's great!" she said. "How about I give you a quick tour?" From the tone in her voice I knew I could never say no. I recognized her enthusiasm - only a few weeks ago (even a few days ago) I had been just as excited about my job.

She shepherded me around the first floor, showing me the 3D printers and media rooms and computers preloaded with accessibility software. In my head I tallied up what I saw compared with the budget numbers I'd seen - and there was some sort of mismatch. But there were five floors in the building, and it was possible I wasn't seeing the fancy technology promised in the budget.