The Writer

ix

I still remember your smile. It was and still is the perfection of a semi circle. The same smile that made math close to my heart. It now haunts me in my dreams like a nightmare on elm street. Your smile is now a ghost to me.

I keep a picture of us on my mirror. It is a constant reminder of how much I loved someone who couldn't reciprocate the feeling. It shows me the reflection of a person that I was and never will be again. And the monster that was brave enough to creep out my closet and lay next to me.
I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I had to say it three times because it's your favorite fucking number. And for some reason within that three you never included me.

The last place I remember being with you was alone. In your arms in the middle of the day but I never felt so lonely and in the dark, which where you kept me. Away from your true feelings. Everything was always a mystery with you, and maybe your love for me was just a well kept secret.

I don't know where I went wrong. I gave you nothing but all of me. Would've given you the air in my lungs, the passion in my heart, and the fire in my spirit, and you wouldn't even have had to ask. I was nothing but good to you.

Just like a used mop left in a bucket of water, you left me to dry my tears on my own. You left me to dry my tears on my own. YOU LEFT ME, though you promised you never would.

Everyone who lies to me now, has your face. Because just like every time you ever said you beLIEved in me there was a lie in the midst of it and now you, deceit, and disappointment wear the same mask.

I never regret loving you. In fact I still do. And it sickens me so, that I could barely cross your mind and yet I see your smile in every mirror I look into, I hear your laugh every time I breathe and I've been holding my breathe and passing by mirrors long enough to know that you inevitably became a part of me. And no matter how I try to mask it you will always be.

I hope you find love. There's a woman somewhere out there desperately waiting to make you love her the way that I loved you. So endlessly and pure that you'll see forever in her pupils. You will here wedding bells in her voice. And sadly she will rip the happiness out of your smile, shatter your heart like glass and make a mockery of your love and baby every time you hear her name it will remind you that karma is a bitch, but she humbles you.

Loving you wasn't where I went wrong. And the funny part is you always loved me back you just never showed it. And for that I thank you. Because if you hadn't broken my
heart, I wouldn't know how good it feels to have someone else put the pieces back together.