Cover iron poker with Band-Aids. Leave iron poker in fireplace. Stick up target's butt. Pull out iron poker: If done correctly, Band-Aids should not come back down.
Dig a sufficient grave. Perform Band-Aid ritual. Send target to hell.
Acquire scalpel. Proceed to perform painful hemicorporectomy on target. Bonus: No prior numbing. Stick Band-Aid underneath torso. Watch as target cannot get Band-Aid off.
Walk to Band-Aid manufacturing building. Wreak havoc. Walk back. Indirectly give target paper cut. Watch target die in agony.
Sell Band-Aids for money. Use money to buy underpants one half-size smaller than the target's. (Method of discovering target's underwear size is up to you.) Repeat every fortnight. Watch target starve themselves as they believe they're gaining weight.
Sell Band-Aids for money. Exchange money for equal value in pennies/cents/other medium-size coins. Stick 2-3 coins (depending on desired murder speed) on target's favourite chair. Repeat every fortnight. Watch target panic as they believe they're shrinking. (Source: Roald Dahl's The Twits.)
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How To Murder Someone With Band-Aids
Non-FictionYou never know when you might need it.
