Blue Smiles {ON HOLD}

No Control

LOUIS POV: (finally lmao)
"1,2,3...I counted the pencils I had on my desk. 3. It can't be 3. Three makes me anxious, I have no idea why. Three. I tried to calm myself down, but I just couldn't take it.
Then, I threw the pencil across the room as fast as I could.
I didn't realize that I did it, until I looked over to the corner of my room, seeing it broken into pieces.
I felt so terrible. My mum bought me them. And they were expensive. They're specifically made for drawing, and I love to draw.
I knew secretly, that panic attack after panic attack, I would eventually break all my drawing utensils. It was just too hard to handle. Even just thinking about it now makes me want to jump into a coffin." I said, pouring out tears to Harry, that I knew were coming sooner or later.
"I am out of control."
"So, then who brought you in here?" Harry asked.
I started my sentence with a deep breath. "Well. My mom was doing fine with me. She didn't love the fact having to help her 16 year old son like a 10 year old one, but she loved me no matter what. Then she got remarried and my stepdad said I needed to get myself fixed up before I could be around his family.' My mum loved him and was just hypnotized by his presence. She brought me in here when I knew she didn't want to. And now I've been in here for a month and a half." I finished.

After Harry kissed me, I've felt so emotional. I've just never felt something like this, in such a long time. But having this deep talk with him is something I never thought would be so great.
"It's alright Lou." Harry said, holding me in his comforting arms.
Since it was room time, we had 2 hours alone, without group or meals interrupting.
We learned a lot about each other within that short time period. The weird thing is, I feel like I already knew him before we kissed.
I don't want to be cliché and say it was love at first sight, but shit. It was.
Two hours flew by pretty fast. But it was the best two hours spent, full of cuddling and pecks and talking.

----

The new round of nurses and techs came through for the weekend this morning, which means less groups, and less restrictions. Which also means, more time with Harry.
I'm trying to cherish the time I have with him, because the doctors have decided that this Thursday, (6 days away) they want to bring me home, but with a probation officer and a care taker.
But for the 3 days that he's been here with me, he has been getting better. I can see it. And he's even feeling comfortable going around in short sleeved shirts, not hiding his scars and stitches.
Do I love this boy?
Or am I just being emotional.
I just met him for gods sake.
Lucky him to just meet you. Too bad he didn't meet you at all.
Stop it
You know Louis, you really need so start being less self centered and let Harry get better. Don't screw him up like everything else. He doesn't deserve someone like you.
I can't live with these voices.
They get worse when I'm not around Harry.
What will I do when I leave.
Say, 'yeah I'm going home but here's everything you need to contact me.'
No.
I'll look like a creep.
But I do like him.
But he doesn't like you.
I'll do it just incase when I leave.
Pht. Embarrassment. Just kill yourself already please.
A/N: I'm so sorry. Lazy chapter. The same things I explained in the last little note I left yesterday is what is still going on. And it's pretty obvious that no ones reading, I'm pretty much doing this for my own satisfaction lmao.
But if you have ideas or just want to contact me;
Vine- simmerdownsteburg
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Snapchat- cheer_lola13 (I post funny [mostly larry] shit btw)
BYEEEE