Fire and Mud: a GoT parody

Kissed By Fire

Charlie the horse kicked the ground contentedly as the farmer approached with a bucket full of grain. His arrival was interrupted by an arrow sailing into the back of his neck, throwing him face forward into the dirt.

Charlie neighed in distress as a creature emerged from outside to pull the arrow from the farmer's neck and blow on it. "That'll do, arrow," she said softly, wiping it on the straw and placing it under one arm. "That'll do." She turned her glance to Charlie and smiled. "Hello, horsie," she greeted him, approaching to give him a pat. "You're a pretty one, aren't you?" She stroked his mane and turned to drag over the discarded bag of grain. "Eat up. We've got a long journey ahead of us..." Ygritte ran a grubby hand through her fiery hair. "Winterfell awaits."

Two men sprinted out of the Eyrie as fast as humanly possible as Dany and Sam approached at a brisk jog. The dwarf threw a set of shackles in the two's direction as Jaime picked him up hurriedly and ran even more quickly downhill.

"Is that Jaime Lannister?" Sam asked incredulously, turning to gaze at him. "Running from the Eyrie?"

"She can't be that scary," Dany scoffed, and then she froze. "Can she?"

"I hope not, I'm scared of the dark as it is," Sam squeaked. "Not to mention heights, zombies, wildlings and the cold."

Daenerys looked at him in bemusement. "You can't be doing very well on the Wall, then?"

Sam snorted. "That's an understatement."

They ascended the hill towards the Eyrie apprehensively.

Thankfully on this occasion, the Starks and Jon Snow met them halfway, Jon grasping Drogon in his arms gingerly. "It went well," Jon commented, handing the wriggling beastlet over to Daenerys.

"He'll hand them over?" she asked, stroking the dragon. He settled immediately in her arms with a satisfied puff of smoke.

"Well, he'll tell his sister we have a loan of some dragons, at any rate," Catelyn replied contentedly. She held out a hand, which Dany shook. "Catelyn Stark. I wasn't told your name?"

"Dalie-" Dany began.

"You don't need to lie," Jon informed her. "It will help more if you tell them the truth."

She nodded shortly and turned to Catelyn and Ned. "Daenerys Targaryen. Dany for short."

The couple were taken aback. "I heard you were in Vaes Dothrak?" Ned said in astonishment.

"I was," she replied. "I came back."

"For the throne?" Catelyn asked.

Dany paused. "Yes. Does that bother you?"