A Modern Quest for an Ancient Remedy....
If you enjoy a fast-paced read, Five Weeks in the Amazon is the book for you. It's an honest story filled with peaks of humor and valleys of despair. Author Sean Michael Hayes has written a book that many wou...
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SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 11
7:30am, my tambo
It was 6:05 AM when I woke up and looked at the time on my phone. This seems to roughly be the time my body wants to get up each day. It may seem unusual to people who like to sleep until mid-morning, but for me it feels right. My limbs and muscles feel fresher than yesterday; my body feels great.
I just came from eating breakfast, and I'm waiting for Otillia or Juliana to bring me my morning dose of Chiri Sinango. We agreed that I would work with this medicine again today and I now know what to expect. It makes my mouth numb, it gives my body pins and needles, and it somehow feels like it's refreshing my nervous system.
It may sound insane to be taking an unknown jungle medicine, and it probably is, but Otillia suggested I take it again and I trust her. She believes it is "opening my emotions." I have faith that she's right. Even as I'm writing, I can feel myself feeling in ways I forgot were normal.
When I got here, my heart and soul were blocked, but now they've started to take deep breaths of emotion. Every healthy animal has a balance of healthy emotions, and turning my feelings off hasn't help me.
Let me explain. The feelings I have aren't manic, or grandiose, or overpowering-in fact, I feel nothing but melancholy. But I'm feeling. One of the emotions I feel has a large void surrounding it-love. I miss love, I miss waking up next to my lover as they sleep peacefully, kissing their neck, smelling their hair, touching their body, pulling them closer. I miss loving and being loved. I have experienced the sweet and tender kiss of Cupid. I want that again.
Kelsey, you have been in my thoughts every day and I think of you now. I'm scared to give you my heart because in the past it hasn't worked out well for me. Can I handle the rawness of love?
I am wary about whether you and I are meant to be together. You're so affected by the environment you grew up in. And the way your parents split up must have been so tough on you and your brother.
If there's one thing about you I know, and I'm attracted to, it's that you're a survivor. Since we met all those years ago, I've watched you rise to meet every challenge you've faced, and you've come out stronger.
You also have so many people that are shitty influences in your life. I've watched your friends use you, taking advantage of what you have to offer. I hate that and you deserve better. I hope you'll travel more, and by changing your geography you'll remove yourself from these influences. You deserve someone who cares about you.
If I were with you, I'd ask your opinion on the topic of love. How have you faced the emotional grief from your parents' divorce, or did you run away from it all? How have you learned to relate to your partner with communication and respect? The fact you were raised in Southern California, a moral cesspool in my opinion, makes me want to learn more about you before getting too attached.
