wooden spoon

1. years we both lost

𓆩♡𓆪

"am I your first love?".

the question is sudden, unprovoked in the middle of the night after changbin and hyunjin haven't spoken for what seems hours. changbins head turns a little bit more down to look at hyunjins silhouette, which changbin can just barely make out in the dark.

changbin lifts his hand to stroke through hyunjins silky, black hair and hums assuringly.

"you are", changbin lies as he moves his hand down to touch hyunjins plump lips. "you're my everything".

with hyunjins lips under his fingers, changbin is able to feel hyunjin smile a little, and leans back into the soft pillow again, holding hyunjin as close as he physically can.

hyunjin doesn't feel like chan did. he doesn't have as many muscles, doesn't have such a deep voice and has much longer hair, but changbin can deal with that.

hyunjin is somewhat enough for now.

𓆩♡𓆪

changbin knows chan from first grade. the very first time they meet is when everyone introduces themselves - chan immediately catches changbins eye.

back then it wasn't about his curly hair and dimply smile. no, changbin admired chans confidence. the way chan struts to the front of the class, head high and a big smile on his face, made changbin look at him as if he was the single best thing the six year old had ever seen.

with both eyes scanning the class, chan speaks up. "hello, my name is bang chan, I am seven years old and just moved here from australia. I hope we get along well!", chan smiles brightly and his eyes sway all the way over to changbin, who sits in the back of the class. their eyes meet and while chans expression doesn't change, changbin immediately lowers his head.

after that, chan sits down in the front of the class again and changbin is called to introduce himself. he imagines himself like chan - confident, good looking and friendly, but the moment changbin arrives at the front, he freezes.

all eyes on him. all twenty-four pairs of eyes are looking at him and changbin feels his hands shake as he fumbles with his uniform.

his eyes travel to chan, who is the only one watching him without a mocking smile on his face and changbin exhales shakily.

"he's fat", one of the kids in the back snickers and changbins head snaps up, the words slowly sinking in as he hears the whole class laugh before the teacher shuts them up.

changbins face heats up, he can feel his cheeks and ears redden, embarrassment settling deep in him and making him blink rapidly to hold back his tears.

this is awful. this isn't like chan at all. he's embarrassing himself not only in front of the whole class, but also in front of chan! awful. just awful.

"my- my name is-", changbin doesn't dare to lift his head again as he starts to talk, voice just as small as he feels. "cha-".

"fatty!", another kid yells before changbin can finish and the six year old immediately shuts up, tears in his eyes as he looks down at himself - at his school uniform filled up completely with fat.

changbin has always been a big kid, always getting teased in kindergarten, first for being slightly chubby and then treated unfairly not only from the other kids but also by all the adults over the time he gained more and more weight.