Statehouse Rules

Rule 9: Florida is Not a Reliable Source

It was that time where forms had to be submitted for updated ID cards. The task was probably one of Gov's easiest. All he had to do was fill out the new forms with information from the database. The states don't even have to do anything until the department sends out the signature forms.

Unfortunately, the online database that Gov used to complete this task was down. And the IT folks said they didn't have an estimate for when it would be back online. So now Gov was on hour 7 of trying to fill out the forms by hand. All around his desk were scattered folders and binders. He was desperate to find any information about the states' heights, eye colors, hair colors, etc. Anything bit of information he could use to finish.

Gov honestly regrets letting everybody return to their homes earlier that week. Now he can't call them in to help. And half of his texts have been met with "out of office" messages or some regional words.

By hour 9 Gov felt like he was actually about to lose his mind. More so than he has in the past. Why can't the states just use their old ID cards? They're immortal personifications, it's not like much about them changes over the years.

"Woah, you look like shit!"

Gov looked up from his hands. Florida was standing in front of him, arms behind his back and that annoying grin. "Thank you, Florida. Your observation is so helpful. What are you doing here?"

"I pissed off Ronny Boy- so I decided to come back here until he cooled off." Florida grabs some papers off a stack and starts flipping through them. Gov reaches to take them back, but Florida dances away and keeps looking. "Oh hey, this is that ID stuff! I've been needing a new one of those, I used my last one when I went gator spotting and big ole' one ate it!"

Gov pinched the bridge of his nose. Of course Florida fed his card to a gator. Because why wouldn't he do that? It's not like it was important for work or anything. Nooo. Just feed it to the damn gators.

"Oh hey, you got this wrong. Cali is way taller than five foot eight." Florida said. He dropped the paper in front of Gov and continued shuffling though. "This is wrong, that's wrong. This one isn't even filled out!"

"I'm aware it isn't filled out. I haven't gotten that far yet." Gov fixed the sheets on his desk so they were organized better. California's ID form on top. "What do you mean California's taller than five foot eight? That's the height I have listed in his file right..... Uh.... here?"

He tapped around at different files on his desk. He swore that one of these had California's information in it. If he could just find it. Again.

"Cali lies about his height all the time. He thinks it makes him cooler." Florida shrugged his shoulders. He reached over Gov's desk to grab a pen. Gov hurried to steady the pen holder so Florida wouldn't make a bigger mess. "Since I'm stuck here, I suppose I can help you out. I mean, I already know everything about everybody."

Florida took off the pen cap with his mouth and got to writing on one of the forms he had. Gov let out a defeated sigh. There was no stopping Florida at this point. And honestly, after 9 hours of the task Gov really just wanted to get it over with.

"Fine. Besides California's height, were the other pieces of information correct?"

----

"Let's get started." Gov paused for the usual complaints and grumbles to pass. "The forms for the ID cards have been finalized. All you need to do is check them over, sign off, and tomorrow they'll be distributed."

There's more groans as Gov passes out the papers. A few states even roll their eyes. Because this has been the same thing since ID cards have been introduced. Boring old scan a paper and sign it and-

"Hey wait, my information isn't correct here?" Missouri reread his form. "Yeah no, I'm a Midwestern state... and I don't have neon pink hair!"

"Sure would be cool if ya did though." Florida said. He leaned back a little when Missouri glared at him.

Now other states were beginning to notice issues with their ID card forms. There were incorrect "birthdays", regions, heights, eye and hair colors.

"Gov- I don't mean ta complain. But I got two different colored eyes. And neither one is listed." Kentucky pointed to his paper. Indiana leaned over in his seat to look. Kentucky's form listed his eyes as green.

"Woah- when did your eyes do that?" Indiana asked. He looked between the blue one and the brown one.

"They've always been this way..."

"Alright. Alright! Show of hands, who has incorrect information on their card form?" Gov asked. Almost every single state's hand went up. Except for Florida and Louisiana. Florida.... Great. "Ok just, cross out the incorrect information and write the correct stuff next to it."

"Oops!" Florida shrugged his shoulders in a not-so-caring way. He had his infamous smirk. "Guess I got a little mixed up here and there."

"We could tell." Virginia was furiously scribbling out the name on his form. West Virginia was doing the same.

"Well, a new rule. Florida is not a reliable source." Gov stated. He pointed an accusatory finger at Florida. Who stuck his tongue out in response. "Real mature."

Missouri snorted. "Who's that rule for? We already know that."

Gov pinched his lips together. He didn't need the sass.

"Govvvv! Texas is lying on his form!"

"What did I just say about you Florida?"

"Mais- I know what ya said. But Texas really is lyin'." Louisiana said. Not only did he have to defend his buddy. But he couldn't let Texas get away with this.

"Am not!" Texas swatted Louisiana and Florida away. It left his other side open for Alaska to take his card form away.

"Why you putting down my height? Little buddy" Alaska asked.

Texas snatched his paper back and gave a very family unfriendly answer. Alaska huffed and smirked.

"Texas- just- put down the right height. Or I'm getting the tape measure." Gov threatened.