One Sin

LAST

"Who?"

"Hmm? Did you say something?" He looked at me wearing that usual smile.

"No.. nothing," I bit my inside cheeks realising I slipped out the word unintentionally.

He hummed in response and returned to reading his book again.

I was kind of intimidated when he asked me if I had said something when we hand't spoken for six months.

I didn't know what I was doing anymore. If someone got to know that we were a couple who weren't talking with each other for six months even though we were living under the same roof, they would think we both were the weirdest couple in the world.

I thought I know everything about my boyfriend, Xander. I even thought that nobody would ever understand him more than I did, but in reality, I still didn't know most of the things about him.

The only things that I knew about him were his strong belief in God, he was raised in an orphanage since childhood, and working at an advertising company. Also, he owned the house where we were living and was willing to do dom-sub sex with me.

But Wouldn't a normal person know more about a film star than I knew about Xander?

What did he do when he got mad? How did he react then? I had never seen him once get mad. I had never seen him without that never-ending smile.

Why couldn't he be full of expressions like he acted during sex? Was sex the only thing that allowed him to show his emotions?

After Beca said those words when she left, everything changed between us. Rather I got to see things more clearly like I had been blind until then.

I couldn't bring myself to openly talk with him. I stopped having sex with him from that day. I talked less and less with him. Eventually, I started to avoid him.

Maybe I was suspecting him? But it was so hard to suspect someone like him and to think he did something to all those people who lived in our house.

The more days went by, the more awkward it became. Every day, we just did our work without saying anything to each other, but it hurt even more that he never approached me once during all that time. He didn't even start a conversation with me. If that wasn't enough, his smile never faded away from his face.

Creeps. That was all I felt when I noticed those things. My suspicions grew bigger with time to the point where I couldn't recognize him anymore. The Xander I knew was no more there or maybe I was hallucinating from the beginning.

I could've asked him about his strange behaviors, but wouldn't that make me like his ex-boyfriend? What about my reassuring words to him that he was not the weird one?

I even started to question my love for him. Why did I love him in the first place? For his looks? For his kindness? Or for the sex?

I didn't even know who was at the fault anymore. The way Xander behaved normally while I spaced out every five minutes for constantly suspecting him was getting me stressed, suffocated, and always thinking about the true meaning of our relationship.

After all those things, I was reckless enough to slip out the words that were intended to be only in my mind.

The silence that lingered in the room after we had that short exchange of words after a long time was so much unbearable. The only thing that could be heard in the room was the ticking sound of the clock, Xander flipping the book page, and my typing on the laptop.

Since I lived in this house, I always praised how peaceful it was, but at that time I was dying for some other sound like a car honking or a plane booming sound or the occasional chattering of the passerby.