Jedi And Their Sorrows

Chapter 3: Truth

As they got closer and closer Anakin could hear the loud buzzing of the airspeeders, they were approaching the ground. After several minutes, their ship landed smoothly with no problems.
Obi Wan sat alone staring outside the window silently from their shared bedroom, his mind was swirling, full of so many conflicting emotions. He knew he had to go through this eventually, he’d been preparing himself for years now… But he just hoped it wouldn’t come sooner than expected. His head was swimming as more questions swarmed around in his head.

Was he doing the right thing? Had his actions caused any damage already to Anakin? What kind of impact would it have had on him? How do I tell him? Will he forgive me? Would he ever understand how hard this was for me? Why doesn’t he ask about the dreams? What about those nightmares of mine?! Do I tell him? Does he know? I know he would never judge me, but that doesn't make me feel any less guilty.

Obi Wan's self doubt and fears of losing Anakin and his relationship with him overwhelmed Obi Wan and forced him  to bury his feelings deep inside, he had to stay strong. He had to do this, for Anakin, for them. He was just about to pull himself out of his thoughts when a feeling arose in his chest, he sat up suddenly, grabbing the sides of his head, holding tight to his strands of hair as he let out a choked cry.The feeling kept coming back in waves that it was becoming unbearable. Obi Wan slipped into a deep emotional state that was beyond anything the Jedi had experienced in thousands of years. Obi Wan for as long as he could remember this was something entirely new to him.

He had lived his entire life thinking his life to be filled with constant loneliness. No one would truly ever understand him. He thought that he had finally found someone worthy of his trust, and he thought that he had actually begun to feel like a father figure in the young boy's life. Now all of his hopes were shattered and replaced by pure terror as he realized how utterly wrong he was, he's a failure to Anakin and that all his hope and happiness were nothing but a lie. But it wasn't a lie...

Obi-Wan got so upset to the point his mind was playing with him... He feels worthless.... He feels like shit. But it wasn't true. And he hates it. His thoughts were suddenly interrupted as he noticed someone standing in the doorway. Looking up in shock, it was Anakin. He couldn't believe how close he felt to being consumed by a dark void of never ending pain, the guilt of all his mistakes piling up on him like an avalanche.

He choked on a sob looking up at Anakin, his face covered in tears and snot, Obi-Wan was sobbing full force trying to calm himself down in Anakin's presence. Anakin stared at him in shock, he was coming to tell his old master they landed, but instead the events of last night are repeating themselves and Obi-Wan was freaking out in front of him.

But Anakin wasn’t going to leave him, after all he had gone through he deserved a little bit of comfort at least. He couldn't see Obi-Wan suffer again like he did last night. So Anakin walked to Obi Wan's side and wrapped his arms around the trembling man pulling him close, gently rubbing his back whispering soft reassurances and comforting words as Obi Wan at first tried to protest the comfort but instead buried himself deeper into Anakin's embrace. The hug seemed to ease him at least somewhat but it didn't stop his body from shaking, Anakin still held onto him tightly knowing that he would need some kind of reassurance to stay sane until they were back on Coruscant safely, even though they haven't even got the cargo on board yet.

After several minutes of soothing and comforting words Anakin pulled away from the older man and spoke softly and calmly,

"How are you doing?" he questioned, concern clear in his eyes, Anakin could see the tears streaming down Obi Wan's face, despite his efforts to hold them back Anakin could see the red rimmed orbs underneath Obi Wan's eyelids and the way he was breathing heavily in between hiccups.