nothing lasts forever
let that be the reason why you stay
even this sick twisted misery
will not last
Breakfast with his sister and Harriet was nothing special. He hadn't learned anything that he didn't already know about the girl. She was sweet and kind and beautiful and most importantly she treated his sister well. Sonya seemed truly taken by her and he was glad to see his sister has found someone that made her so happy. It was enough for him to see that they were good together, and that's all he needed to know.
He would have to drive to the hospital today for another treatment, and it was just something else for him to dread at the end of the day. So after he took a couple of bites from his oatmeal and pushed the rest aside, he tried to join in the conversation. It wasn't really necessary though, Sonya and Harriet seemed so infatuated with each other that his presence wasn't necessarily needed. He didn't mind, he like watching them interact. It added some kind of normalcy back into his life.
"Oh, Newt." Sonya said, checking her watch. "I've got to take you to your appointment soon."
"Yeah." Newt agreed. "We better get going soon."
They gathered their things and Sonya kissed Harriet goodbye before they parted ways and walked to Sonya's car. Newt kicked a rock back and forth as they walked, the sun seemed to burn through his pale skin. He found himself dreading the appointment more than usual, not because he didn't want to go, he always had that sort of dread. It was more like he wanted it all to stop. He didn't want to go to the appointments anymore, he didn't want treatments, and he didn't want anymore chemo. All of this pain was building up to even more pain before his inevitable death. It was a rather cruel way to go out, now that he thought about it. It wear like he was being tortured for answers when he didn't even know the questions and they would never let him go.
"How are you feeling?" Sonya asked, dragging him from his thoughts.
"Tired. Sick. Like a slug looking for a shell." Newt said. It was the only way he could really describe that empty feeling in his chest.
"Are you feeling better at all?" She asked.
"No." He said simply.
"Well, don't sugar coat it or anything." She said as they pulled into the parking lot.
"Well, what do you want me to say, Sonya?" He said angrily. "I mean, what did you expect?"
"I don't know, Newt." She said quietly.
"I told you this would happen if I got the treatments. I'm not feeling better. I'm actually feeling quite worse, if you couldn't already tell." He tapped his finger in irritation as he stared up into the care center. He didn't want to go in, he would only feel worse when he walked out again.
"I know." Sonya said, and when he looked at his sister he regretted being so harsh. Even if there were worse things he wanted to say. He could tell just from one look that she was full of regret, and so was he. "Do you want to stop your treatments?"
Newt looked at the entrance of the building again. He would do anything to not have to walk inside those doors again, but then what else could he do? Would the pain be worse if he stopped them all together or if he kept going? He supposed that would be a question he could ask the doctors.
"I'll go this time. Then I'll see." Newt decided. They both went inside, and were met with a cool rush of air as they walked through the doors. They checked in with the receptionist and Newt took his seat on the waiting room until his name was called. When he looked around, he saw many people in his same situation. Mothers, grandfathers, and even children sat around him. All with thinning hair and pale grey skin. Some looked healthier than others, while the rest looked as though they were barely hanging on. He wondered on which end he stood on the viewpoint of others. Maybe he was somewhere in between.
