Teach Me

2

I paced my room, my anxiety at its peak. The Ostara army would arrive tomorrow, and take me with them when they left.

As I paced, an idea entered my mind. They wanted a virgin. The sacrifice had to be a virginal woman.

What if I was no longer a virgin tomorrow when they came?

Though as quickly as the idea arrived, it fled.

I knew that my virginity had to do with the process that made a baby. But I wasn't sure what that was. How could I seek to revoke my virginity if I wasn't sure how to even do so?

Then there was the knowledge that my family would face severe ruination once the town discovered what I had done. Prostitutes, as my mother and father called them, had brought great ruination to themselves and their families, and now they had been excluded from society. I couldn't do that to my family, least not to my brother.

The thought of ruining myself was also daunting. I didn't want to be excommunicated. I may as well just give myself to the Ostara army then.

The Bible also tells us that a husband and a wife should save themselves for one another. And that is what I wanted, even if I didn't have a husband yet. If I were to marry one day, I wanted him to have me fully.

Though the idea was appealing at first, I could not go about ruining myself. Even for the sake of self-preservation.

I sat down on my bed and ran my hand over the rough cotton material. It would be the last time I slept in this bed. The last time I found solace in the comfort of my room. Dinner was the last dinner I'd have with my family. I was sick.

The rest of the family had gone to bed, but I was still wide awake, worrying about what would happen tomorrow.

It was agonizing, these last few days. I hadn't been able to sleep or eat more than a few bites of bread and broth for fear of throwing up. I was terrified.

As I pondered the thoughts in my mind, I heard the light pitter-patter of feet coming from my brother's room. Then my door was pushed open and a boyish figure entered.

"August?"

"I came to sleep in your bed with you."

My heart clenched.

I pulled the covers on my bed back and we both slid in. We wrapped our arms around each other and just held one another. I didn't think either of us slept that night.

In the morning, August left to go take some mathematics lessons from our Father and I got dressed for the day. I chose a plain dress, a light brown color. I didn't want to appear flashy to the soldiers or stand out in any way. Maybe they would even miss me if they weren't looking closely. I had that effect on men, I was usually ignored by them.

Perhaps it was because I was too tall or too curved in my hips and thighs. That's what a boy had said to me once when we were younger, that I was ugly because I didn't look like the other girls who were very slender.

I sighed, no need to ponder on that now.

I ate a somber breakfast with my family, the last one we would ever share together before a knock on the door was heard.

I looked up, and I assumed I looked like 'a deer in the headlights.' That phrase was common amongst the older generations who knew what life was like before the war. They had vehicles, cars and trucks, with lights on them to see in the dark. I'd only seen a few cars in my 21 years, and only one of them was actually operable.

My heart raced as my father stood to answer the door. Three councilmen entered. The tremors in my hands intensified.

I looked at my mother, silently begging her to stop this. But she didn't. She only looked solemnly at the table in front of her.