Fantasia

Return to the forest

What happens to all the dreams you don't remember?

Where do all those lost memories go?

***

Overdose, past medical history of depression, No family to contact -

A doctor's word flew over Eddy's head, unable to be constructed into a concrete sentence. The white tiled floor of the hospital felt surreal as he walked into the room. Brett was connected to the machine, lying in bed, his eyes closed and unresponsive.

What did Eddy even know about Brett? Eddy suddenly realized with guilt, that for the entire time they has known each other, Brett barely talked about himself. Rather, their entire relationship was focused more on Eddy recovering from his anorexia. Even when Eddy asks a simple question, Brett will avoid the question and turn the topic into something else. Eddy didn't know where Brett came from, or how he has grown up. Eddy had no idea Brett had a mood disorder - honestly, the man looked perfect from the outside. Brett was outgoing, popular, and friendly. Who could have ever imagined?

"Brett-" Eddy managed to open his mouth to whisper the name until his word got lost in his tongue, collapsing into a jumbled mess when he picked up Brett's listless arm.

Jagged lines of red scars, crisscrossed like a river, canyons of cutting lines running down the man's pale skin.

Eddy felt the blood rushing out of his face when he realized he has never seen Brett wear short sleeves even on the hottest days. From the moment he saw Brett in the cafeteria to the competition and onward, Brett always wore a long-sleeve shirt. Why hasn't Eddy questioned this before? And why does he need to realize his stupidity now, when it is too late? Guilt lumped in his throat when he thought back to yesterday when he accused Brett of shying away from physical intimacy. It all made sense now, how Brett had said he was afraid.

Brett was afraid of his own body.

"When will he wake up?" Eddy asked the doctor quietly.

"Medically, he is fine. We resuscitated him fairly quickly and his labs are all looking good too," the doctor replied. "He should be waking up but we are assuming he is in some coma or a trance. We are still unsure why he is unable to wake up."

And Eddy knew at that very moment, exactly where Brett was trapped in.

***

Time is ticking and I'd bet you'd forgotten everyday

I have nothing to live for, that's not so bad

Let the wind blow with all its strength, flowers fall like rain

Even love never will find me

***

It took a while to go to sleep. When Eddy opened his eyes, his eyes immediately landed on the still-standing gingerbread house, quiet and deserted. His eyes darted to the forest behind it. The forest of knives, where he has met Brett for the first time.

"Brett, are you there?" Eddy shouted, running to the forest's entrance. When he got closer, Eddy realized that the forest was not in its usual shape. The leaves and the trunks of the trees were all distorted, clamping and sealing upon each other to form a sturdy wall. Beyond those thorns and bushes, Eddy knew Brett was somewhere inside there, lost and defeated.

"Let me in! Let me in, Brett-" Eddy pounded onto the thorn trees that writhed and turned like serpents on the loose. "Please, let me in, the phantom of the forest of knives-ouch!"