Fantasia

Runaway

Dark, cold, and malicious.

"Don't look back! Run away!" a shout echoed through his head like a shotgun.

Eddy started running. His feet sliced through the coarse gravels. But where? Where does he go back?

"You know the code. You know the code, Eddy."

Do I? Do I really know the code? Eddy doubted himself. His hair felt wet from sweat. A silver moon shone through a thick cloud, trimming the darkness away.

Eddy started chanting.

***

Eddy jolted awake in the middle of the music history class, almost toppling off his seat. Small laughter came out from the corner of the classroom.

"Eh hem," Eddy cleared his throat in embarrassment, adjusting his posture.

"You alright?" Brett asked with a goofy smile. "The entire Ottoman empire collapsed while you were sleeping."

"I'm glad I wasn't a part of it."

"What are you guys doing at night these days, huh?" A fellow classmate nudged Brett in the elbow teasingly. "Let Eddy get some sleep once in a while."

Brett glared a dirty look at the laughing classmate. Eddy didn't comment anything, only looking away in embarrassment. It was not a secret that they were dating in school. It has been a few months already. They ate together. They went out for a walk together. They practiced together. Eddy has never returned once to that gingerbread house in his dream since that day. His tumultuous emotion has quieted down and left him at peace to eat these days.

It was a secret that there was no real romantic advancement after the first kiss, though.

Brett held hands, sure. They kissed once in a while. But Eddy noticed right away that Brett would shy away whenever Eddy would want more. A little fiercer kiss at night, the press to the chest, and Brett will pull away as if he is touching a hot stone.

Why? Eddy did not dare to ask although the question boiled in the back of his mind.

"Want to get boba right now? The usual place," Brett cheerfully tapped Eddy on the shoulder after the class ended.

Eddy looked up at Brett, the same kind eyes that shone behind the glasses as they did behind the silver mask in his dream.

"Sure," Eddy got up from his chair, ignoring the dread building beneath his throat.

***

"You are not supposed to be here."

"Why?"

"Go back to where you came from."

"But I don't belong anywhere," Eddy whispered. "Can I stay here, please?"

***

Brett noticed something was very off when he entered his apartment one day.

First, the room was lit with candles.

He didn't have any candles. He didn't even like candles. This was a fire hazard, right in the middle of his wooden dormitory room.

Second, the table was laden with plates of fancy steak and wine.

This was not the kind of dinner he usually gets within his college budget. It was not like he or Eddy enjoys drinking anyway either. Brett doubted Eddy could even swallow one piece of steak without throwing up.

Third, Eddy was sitting beside the table with a wine red shirt, with an anticipated look on his face.

"What is all this?" Brett asked uncertainly, putting down his violin bag.

"Just thought I might change things up a little bit," Eddy replied casually, pouring wine into glasses. "Want some wine? It's nonalcoholic."

"Isn't that called grape juice?"

"Shut up and just enjoy the mood, Brett."

Brett slowly sat down on his chair, looking around in confusion. On cue, Eddy pressed on a remote, and romantic music started to blast through the speaker.

"I think I get the point," Brett nodded knowingly. "But...Eddy, I...I'm not sure I'm ready."

Eddy awkwardly spun the wine glass, unsure of how to open up the conversation.

"...we never slept together. We never really went past kissing. I understand some people take it slow but ... is it because of me?" Eddy looked up. "Am I...not desirable?"

Silence rang in the room. Brett looked away, biting his lips.

"No, it's not you."

"Then what is it?"

"I'm...afraid."

"Afraid of what? Talk to me."

"I cannot say," Brett shook his head. "I'm sorry."

Brett's voice was toneless. Eddy looked down to look at his now blurry new shirt. Everything seemed a little humiliating now. The new shirt, the candles, the food, the music...

He just wanted some more physical interaction. Was that asking too much as a lover?

"You don't have to lie to me," Eddy whispered. "I look hideous under these clothes. You have every reason to be afraid."

"Eddy, I swear it is not because of you."

"I'm going to go back home tonight. Sorry about all of this."

"Eddy-"

Before Brett could say another word, Eddy has bolted out of the room, running back to his dormitory.

He didn't sleep a wink that night, staring at the ceiling, wondering where everything went wrong. He was still awake when an unknown phone call rang on his phone at 7 AM the next morning, sending news that made his heart sink, wondering if he really was dreaming everything all along.

***

"Who are you?"

"I don't know very well. I read I write, I play with my friends. And sometimes, I play the violin."