identity.

First Impression - part 2

"Are you okay?"

I look at Stefyan and smile to him. "I'm not okay. But, I will be okay I guess. Thanks for everything Stefyan."

"I can't handle it if I were you."

I feel can't handle my tears again. It drops one by one and I try to calm myself. Stefyan come near me and hug me close. I am whispering to him "Everything happen for a reason."

Mom, Dad, finally you both meet again in Heaven. Please, pray for me, give me more strength so I can through this.

"Will you contact me from Indonesia?"

I'm nodding. I pull myself from Stefyan. "Take care yourself here. And try to find other friend to study together"

"I'll miss you Ive."

"You'll be fine Stefyan." I look into his blue eyes. He never stare me like this, so deeply, so warm, but I see his disappointment about today.

I capture this moment and memorize it. I know, maybe I will not be able to see him anymore. Today, I will back to my mother's hometown, Bekasi, a little town in west Java, Indonesia. I only have a grandmother that stay alive in Bekasi, she is my only family now. And she nicely ask me to live with her.

"You still can cancel it, you know. I'll help you with everyt....."

"No Stefyan. This is my decision. Nothing else I can do here. At least I can be a good granddaughter there."

"You can be a good wife for me"

"What?" I'm blushing.

"Not now. In five years ahead I will ask you to marry me. You know that I love you since we were in junior high"

"I don't ... I don't ..." I don't know what to say to him.

"You don't have to say anything. I guess all this time is only me that have this feeling. And I'm not force you to think about it or something. I just want you to know that you are totally exist for me, you are extraordinary for me. You are not like you were thinking. I know, you always feel like no one care about you, I know you always out of the spot and feel ordinary, and you find with it. But you are not."

"Thanks Stefyan. But I can't think about it right now. This is just too much feeling that I feel right now. I promise to contact you as soon as possible. But to be with you, I think we need more miracle." I feel my tears start to being uncontrol again.

"I have to go now." I give him a hug and fastly pull myself "Goodbye Stef"

I turning around without look at him anymore. I walk to the boarding and never look back, because I know if I look at him again, I will not be able to finish my decision.

Everything happen for a reason. I know, this is not about me. I know, there is a plan that bigger than me. And I know I have to start it in Indonesia