Usually when I feel sad or just ick, I want to be at home. No where else but home. Now, I feel miserable and I don't want to be anywhere. I don't wanna be here at granny's, I don't want to be home, I didn't even want to stay with skylure last night. I think it would just be easier if I didn't exist. And I was no where. That's where I want to be, no where. I don't want to kill myself but I'm just saying death doesn't seem so bad anymore. I can be done. I can be done feeling sad or mad for no reason. Done feeling crazy, done being scared of nothing or myself. I hate this feeling so much it makes me hate myself. I've been thinking about breaking up with Jimmy. I don't want to. But he wants to hangout and do fun stuff and honestly I just want to sit at home and be sad. And not have to fake a smile like I do at school just so he won't ask. I refuse to tell him. I won't even tell skylure how I feel. He wouldn't understand. I mean how could he understand? I don't understand. I don't understand my self, my feelings. I don't even understand why my dad did what he did to me. Why is he still making me feel like this. Like I said, I'm not suicidal. But if I were to accidentally drive my car off a bridge or head onto another car blame it on my mind. It told me to. I hate this feeling. I wish I was never born! It would have been easier on everyone. I just want to cry all the time. And do nothing else but cry and cry and cry for no reason. I can't sleep. That's not even an option. I stooped so low to ask hope to sell me her sleeping pills. They knock you out and keep you out for the night. She wouldn't. Sometimes I hear things that aren't there. I just don't want to be here anymore. I'm drained. There is no more kailey. At this point I'm just moving bones and empty emotion..
