Ashes to Ashes | ✓

20 || Influence of the Core

Time slipped through Felix's fingers like rocks sinking to the bottom of a pond. It was slow—each minute dragged by painfully, stacking into hours that slipped into the ocean of time and dissolved into days. It was guided by routine, designed to keep Aiko from pacing enough to wear a groove in the floor. Anxiety whittled away at her, painting dark circles beneath her eyes and etching gaunt lines into her face. Her smiles became shaky, her jabs weak when she mocked him. She did nothing but wait around until he found the energy to drag them both outside for a brief session of training—something he dreaded each day.

It wasn't his aching wound that made him hate the afternoon instruction so much, nor even the tiredness that dragged his whole body down. Reluctance slowed his steps as he followed her out the door on the seventh day.

It was the idea of handing her a weapon and teaching her to fight that bothered him. The idea that he was giving her the tools to murder and setting her loose against her enemies. When his master had done the same for him, he took pleasure in it. Killing was easy, leaving it behind was not.

He would rather kill every last one of her enemies, feel the stickiness of blood between his fingers, and drown in its coppery scent than hand her the knife to do so herself. It was a fate he would never wish on anyone else.

Especially not her.

They stepped out into the sunlight, bathed in its pleasant warmth. Birdsong drifted through the air and grass crunched beneath their steps. The sensations faded beneath the chilling static of Felix's mind. He caught Aiko's wrist.

"Why do you need to do this?" he asked, curling his fingers tighter. "I get that you won't have the Core anymore if we release you from it, and I get that you don't want to rely on it if it's... messing with your head. But..." Helplessness bubbled to the surface and he fell silent, desperately grasping at straws.

But I'll be there, he wanted to say. It was selfish of him, he knew that. And yet he couldn't wipe the image of his blade in his own tiny hand, plunging over and over into the back of some Furvus noble until death finally put him out of his misery. Fighting brought killing, and murder was a cage no one could ever escape.

The one cage he sought freedom from.

She stopped, her back to him and her gaze locked on something ahead. Her shoulders drooped as a sigh escaped her lips. "Did you know that Mae is dead?"

Felix's blood turned to ice. "What?"

Aiko spun around to face him, wrenching her wrist free. Her lips quivered and she pressed them into a thin line. Tears welled in her eyes, quelling the flame that burned brightly within them. "I've tried calling him," she whispered. Her voice teetered on the edge of breaking, but she strung her words together in such a way to hide it. "I should be able to summon him just by saying his name, but there's no response. He's dead, Felix. I can't rely on him to protect me, and I don't want the same thing to happen to you." Taking in a deep breath, she raised her head and blinked away the water in her eyes. "Please. This is for me."

The idea that Mae had been killed in their escape wasn't new, but hearing it from her hit him hard enough that it took a second to catch his breath again. How long had she been carrying this knowledge around? He steeled himself against the answer which never came.

"I'm sorry," he murmured. "I'm not going to refuse to teach you if this is what you want."

"You haven't so far. If anything, you've been very patient with my... missteps." She led him away from the house to the open clearing they had been using to train for the last several days. As she planted her feet, she drew a smooth, wooden rod from the cloth wrapped around her waist. A makeshift knife, one that would be more forgiving than the real thing. She smiled sheepishly. "I'll try not to hit your shoulder this time. Would you teach me that thing again?"