Keeping It Together • Sebastian Bach

Chapter 19: Uninterrupted

As Sebastian drove to Savannah's house, he was perturbed at the amount of anxiety that was plaguing his mind. He felt like he was in high school, going on a first date with his crush. His throat felt tight, his heartbeat erratic, and his hands shaky as he gripped the steering wheel tightly.

He hadn't felt this feeling in forever. As upsetting as it sounded, he had not genuinely liked a girl ever since he became a musician. All of the girls he spent time with were products of lust, not love or liking. Hell, most of them probably weren't even attracted to him; they just liked being able to say that they had slept with Skid Row's lead singer.

But, he did like Savannah. And he'd be spending time alone with her. At her house. Away from the band.

He swallowed down a nervous lump in his throat. He didn't like feeling this nervous. Not one bit. He almost wished that he would revert back to the oh-so-familiar state of not liking any girl.

Almost. Despite the annoyances of it all, the euphoria he got when just seeing Savannah made it all worth it. When he got to sneak in a couple touches, like grabbing her hand and pulling her somewhere, it was worth it. The very feeling of her flesh against his own was enough to make his mind fuzzy with ecstasy. He couldn't imagine what kissing her would be like, since he got such a high from something as simple as hand-holding.

The ride was short, and Sebastian thought about purposely making a wrong turn to postpone the inevitable. But, instead, he pulled into the driveway of what his GPS told him was Savannah's house. He thought it suited her, her house. It was small and modest, just like her. It was light blue, absent of an upstairs, and it had a lot of trees in its front yard.

The smallness of the house made Sebastian slightly envious. Her house seemed cozy, simple. He found himself drowning in a never-ending pool of complexity in his life, and he craved that simplicity. If he had just had this type of house, with no bandmates living with him, he'd have been so much happier. Being in a band was stressful, and emotionally taxing.

He realized how entitled he sounded, however. He had money, friends, and a job that hardly counted as work, something people would kill for. And there were still times where he loved his job. Like when he was performing live, seeing the giddy faces of the Skid Row fans. Like when the band got along and had beers together. Like when he got to listen to what he had helped create and be filled with pride.

But, lately, he found that those times were becoming less and less frequent. Now, it seemed like an endless loop of the band being at his throat, and being so overwhelmed that all he could do was hit the bottle.

As he removed his key from the ignition, he thought with some relief that he could let go of all that, just for a bit. Savannah would surely be the remedy to his dwindling patience, and his still boiling rage.

He opened the car door, stepping out of the vehicle afterward. He shut the door, his stomach in knots. He subconsciously began to fiddle with his bracelets, which was his most noticeable nervous habit, as he approached the front door. He knocked on it gently, part of him wanting to just abandon this operation entirely and run.

But, before he could, Savannah opened the door, in all her glory. His heart broke; she looked awful. Not physically awful, no, she never did. But, he could see the emotional strain that the day had put on her. Her eyes were heavy, her face slightly red from crying. In a weird, twisted way, she looked beautiful.

"Hey, Baz," she said quietly, smiling at him. Her smile didn't necessarily look fake, but it was so much smaller than it usually was. It didn't quite reach her eyes. Sebastian hated that he was the one who had done this to her. He hated that his recklessness and his inability to restrain himself led her to this point.