Clairvoyant

White Ferrari

I don't exactly think my mom wanted to have children. Especially me. I feel as if I'm a heavy burden hanging over her head. She dunks her head every-time there are bullets raining from the sky. 

I don't. 

I like to watch them. To see if one day they will catch me, star-crossed in-between my two eyes. 

I have thoughts just like everyone else. And when I spoke of them, her eyes always looked like they were screaming for help. 

So I stopped talking about them.

 I stopped speaking my mind. I left them to evaporate the second I thought of them.

Even though I let them go, they still control where I go and where I am.

I don't want to be controlled by thoughts I can't even remember.

I don't want to be controlled.

I want to have something of my own. 

Something that doesn't make me feel small. My mom makes me feel small. She makes me feel like a spec of dirt. I'm so easy to clean off of the floor, yet so hard to just shut your mouth about. 

She treats herself like a spec of dirt. I wish she didn't. It's not right. She's not a spec of dirt. She's not even dirt itself. She is pristine and clean like pure water.

No acid to be found in any gulp or glass. She is clear and transparent. She dashes through the sky and the in-between the clouds surrounding them.

She rains down on me.

Sometimes it's refreshing.

Sometimes it's cold.

Sometimes

it feels like nothing but a slight breeze waving in my eyes.

Sometimes she really does make me cry.

She always tries to take away what was given to me as a way to rain down upon me.

To cast me away far far away.

But please don't cast me away.

I am your son.

I am your sun.

I know I haven't come out for a couple years but I trying to live with what's happened to me.

I am trying to learn how to live without light.

I am trying to learn how to live without you.

I am trying to live.

Please don't cast me away.

One day I will smile and I won't put your work to waste.

I will give the land what it needs.

I will give you what you need.

Just give me some time

Let me grow

Let me be loved

Let me know your touch is not cold and forbidden

Let me go.

"I'm sure we're taller in another dimension"

"You say we're small and not worth the mention"
"You're tired of movin', your body's achin'"

"We could vacay, there's places to go"
"Clearly this isn't all that there is"

"Can't take what's been given"
"But we're so okay here, we're doing fine"