Just a crush

honeymoon

Tw: in the end mentions of sh

Louis' pov:
The party came to an end and as Harry took my hand, all the people gathered around the car that was parked outside. We walked towards it and got in. On the windows was written ' just got married' and there were white and silver balloons attached to the back.

We slowly drove away while waving at everyone who was there for us that day. The best day of our lives.

I didnt know where we were going but after not too long, Harry pulled up the car in a parking spot surrounded by trees. It was difficult to see where we were as the only light was coming from the small moon in the sky.

The wind was whistling and the leaves on the trees made crackling sounds. It wasnt cold though, even if it was the middle of the night.

We both got out of the car and Harry locked the door before grabbing my hand again, leading me to God knows where.

I didnt even look where i was going. I just let my husband lead me through the darkness that surrounded us. But before i knew it, we were standing in front of a beautiful cabinet. The yellow lights shining through the damped windows giving it a cozy look.

We walked inside and the inside was even prettier than the outside. The dark tones made the little cabinet have a calmed over itself that i have never felt before. On the right was a small living room with a big couch covered with pillows. In front of the couch was a little and old television and behind that was part of the kitchen. Next to the kitchen was a big wooden door that led us to the bedroom. It had a big queen sized bed and lights on either side. There were rose petals that covered the bedsheets and on the windowsill stood a couple of candles.

With a smile on his face, my beautiful husband pulled me towards him. He started swinging with his body attached to mine and that was when i noticed soft music playing. It was perfect, our bodies fitted together like pieces in a puzzle and i laid my head down on his shoulder. We danced like that for a while, slow and comfortable.

After what felt like hours and with a feeling like our bodies couldnt separate anymore, Harry slowly backed up to look me in the eyes. "I love you" he told me with the sweetest smile one his face. "I love you too Harold" I smiled back to him.

He turned us around which made my back face the bed and he slowly pushed me down onto it. He came over to me and pushed his lips onto mine. His arms on either side of my head supporting his weight and his body slowly coming closer to mine untill after not too long he was basically grinding on me.

I loved it, and him, until my thoughts took over. My thought about the scars on my wrists and the fact that if we went through with this he would see them. My mind went fuzzy and i couldnt think straight anymore. The only solution that came up in my mind was 'go'. So i did. I quickly slid away from under my husband who I loved till death and I ran away towards the bathroom where I locked myself.

My breath started to quicken even more and the lump in my throat made it hard to swallow. I slid down to the ground against the locked door untill i felt my bum touch the floor. I was shaking and sweating at the same time. My mind felt like it was running circles and couldnt stop and I didnt know what to do anymore.

The sweating made the material of my dress stick against my body uncomfortably so i decided to take it off. First, i tried to stand up, as it was easier to take the dress off that way, but my legs were shaking and felt like jelly as my whole body collapsed back again to the floor. I decided to just stay seeted and as quickly as i could, which wasnt really fast after all, i got the sticky material off.

I threw it to the other side of the room and i heard Harrys voice echo through the door. I couldnt concentrate on the words and all i heard was that he was worried about me. I had never done anything like this if it wasnt about my mother and even i myself didnt know what was going on exactly.

Harry started to bang his hands on the door and scream my name. "Louis, Louis, Louis please open the door honey!" He tried to convince me. "Harryyy" I just whispered but it almost couldnt be heard, or that was what my brain thought. Harry apparently heard as his voice as quiteted down to a soft whisper. "Hey baby, I know youre panicking but can you please do one thing for me so i can help you?" I mumbled a bit, my brain in a trance due to the softness of his voice. "Can you please unlock the door for me boobear? I know you can do it baby." He encouraged me to do it as my hand searched behind me for the cold silver lock. It took a while and a lot of comforting words before i found it and had the strength to open it.

The door was ripped open and my body almost collapsed backwards but luckily Harry stood there to keep me save. He turned me around and craddled me in his arms.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry" i just mumbled into his chest, soaking his shirt with my tears once again. "What are you saying sorry for baby?" He asked worried and confused. "You deserve someone so much better than me and I just keep on having these panick attacks about nothing and youre always the one who has to solve everything. You deserve someone who is there for you and takes care of you and isnt crying like a baby every damn time." I rambled, the words not even making sense in my brain but just tumbling out.

"Heyheyhey, dont say that Lou. Youre the best husband in the entire world and I will always love you, even with those panick attacks. Theyre not your fault and ill always be here to help you calm down. So please stop worrying, everything will be fine. I'm here with you honey." He kissed me slowly on my forehead and then lifted my face up with his thumb under my chin to also place a soft kiss on my lips. An almost unnoticeble smile appeared on my face. "There it is, the most beautiful smile in the world" Harry said and made me smile a little briter.

He grabbed both of my hands in his and looked me in the eyes. "No matter what, I'll always be here and love you." And that was the moment his eyes flicked to my arms. The red lines clearly visible in the moonlight that shone through the window. His eyes became a little watery and with a cracked voice he asked: "Louis, di- did you do that yourself?" I nodded slowly and crashed down against his body. The tears i didnt even know i had left covering my cheeks and his shirt. He hugged and comforted me a couple minutes before making me look into his eyes again. "Louis, I want you to remember every single word that I'm going to say. I know how hard it is okay, my sister used to do it too. And I wont be asking you to stop right this minute even if you have just started. But im asking you to please come to me if you ever want to do it again. You dont even have to tell me that it is the reason youre coming to be but just ask for a hug or begin a random conversation. And if im not anywhere near, just please call me and talk to me. I dont want you to feel this way but i know it is in your head and the only way to make you feel better is to get you out of your own head." He took my arm in his hands and brought it up to his face. "And i love you so so much, untill the end of time." He carefully gave every single scar a little peck with his lips. So slow and soft that it didnt hurt and it was the sweetest gesture ever.

All the love <3
Twpk