What About Us? - Book 1

Chapter three

The feeling had somewhat changed.
Of course her eyes, that startling intense blue was just as breathtaking as the day I first saw them and don't get me wrong, I still liked her. My god, I like her so much. Every bone in my worthless body ached for her touch, her breath, the feel of her blood thumping against mine.
It was my thought on it that had changed however. It didn't feel like true love. I didn't get a tight stomached fluttery sensation nor did I feel positive whatsoever nowadays. I felt dead. I felt like a prisoner of love. It was like she was dragging me around with a chain lock around my pulsing throat. I know she told me she wasn't ready but I had no reason why. And I felt like a fool.
Should I move on?
The thought seemed to be more painful; how could I possibly let her go? She was absolutely everything.
My phone was blinking and the sun was already rising as I laid there; agony gurgling throughout my body.
"Hey, you alright?"
Willow.
My heart gushes. She's dressed in nothing but a tattered old sweater, her ebony hair curly naturally at the tips as she played endlessly with the strands.
"How long have you been on the couch for?"
"I don't know," My voice was a hoarse mumble, body numb and featureless against the cushions. "What time is it?"
"9AM, have you been here all night?"
"No!" My voice raised and I bashfully cleared it out before turning my head away. "I just-just, well...I couldn't sleep. I was going to make some tea but then I, I..."
My words had trailed away as she gently ran her fingers down my arm.
"Here." Her palms pressed firmly around my bicep in an attempt to help me up. "You should sleep. I'll help you to your room."
"Willow, no." I moved away, clumsily smacking my head against the chair arm in the process.
I hurriedly stood up. The room swayed around me, head raging with pain.
You're a fucking idiot.
Shut up.
I can't believe you actually thought she liked you.
Shut up.
Look at the way she looking at you; that's sympathy not love. Of course YOU would get the two confused though.
Shut up!
"I'm just not ready for love, Danny." Is that the bullshit she told you?! She's not ready?! Wow you're more fucked up than I thought!
"Shut up." The whimper escapes my throat as I cling to the flesh of my neck, tears stinging my eyelids.
"Danny." She was approaching me slowly as though I am a dangerous animal and she was trying to lock me up.
Maybe that's all I was to her. I was just an animal, instead of only using me for the meat however, it was for my affection.
Maybe that's it?!
Her hand touches my arm and I sharply pull away.
"I need to go!"
"Dan-"
"I need to go!"

* * *
I found myself on the pub stool with Mark slurring in my ear. Apparently Rina hasn't taken him back. Glen had his arm around him, convincing him that "it was just a phrase in their relationship." and I wondered if it was the same with me and Willow. Then of course I remembered; she was never mine. I thought of her and the way her eyes danced with flawless oceans. The way her hair fell perfectly down her waist. She didn't even need to try.
I suddenly felt security as I remembered;
She was crying. The tears scaring her magnetic facial features as he sloppily ran her sleeve over her eyes.
"What's wrong?" I had asked, reaching out and catching her in my arms.
I remember her head, buried against my chest and I had hoped she could feel the pain in my heart and know, just know that I cared.
"Will, talk to me. I'm here."
"You wouldn't...Dan, you don't understand." Her fingers cling desperately to my top, her voice vibrating through my body as she hid her face.
My heart had swelled with her touch. Despite her crying and her being clearly tormented; I still thought she was beautiful. The pain tore my emotions apart however, combining them as she raised her head to reveal the haunting flares in her eyes.
She was broken.
My love. My Willow.
Broken.
"Please..." I ran my fingers softly over her cheekbones; wretchedly trying to rid her pain.
She flinched however, shoving me away hastily.
That's when I attempted to kiss her. I had tried before but now it wasn't an emotion of wanting her near but a more terrifying one. I just wanted to take away her pain away if she were just to use me. I just wanted her to smile again.
She didn't respond to my lips against hers. In fact her fist slammed against my shoulders as though I had attacked her when in reality my kiss was short, gentle.
She looked fearfully into my eyes.
"I can't do this..."
"Why not?"
"I'm not ready."
I blinked, confused but hopelessly wanting to make her believe I understood.
"You've been burnt but I mean-I-you...i lo-"
Her trembling fingers covered my lips lightly.
"I'm just not ready Dan, you don't understand."
"I know but...Willow, I won't hurt you."
"I know."
The tears were streaming down my cheeks before I had realised I was even in an emotional state.
"Then why...Will-"
"Shhh."
Her lips pressed into my neck; it was sweet and quick like the way you would peck your aunt on the cheek. I grasped onto the feeling even so.
"Maybe someday I'll love but," she took a deep breath as though about to continue but I interrupted.
"I'll be there that day then."