Castles on the Sand

Sixteen

“So this your game?” JP says.

“I'm not playing a game.”

“You just take up with someone else?”

“How do you even know about that?”

“Kailie told me.”

Another sabotage attempt by Kailie. Great. “I told you I wanted to talk to you.”

“You accused me of cheating on you.”

“Well, I wanted to ask you about that.”

“I'm insulted. I've never been a cheat.” His anger, the set of his jaw, the tone of his voice, all of these persuade me that he's telling the truth. Now I'm the cheat.

“I'm sorry,” I say. “I just wanted to talk to you. It made me mad that you blew me off. I don't even have your phone number.”

“I've been busy. You know how it is. Sometimes I've got a little time, sometimes I don't.”

“Well I'm not interested in a bunch of fifteen minute hookups.”

“That's all I got.”

“You are standing here, talking to me right now. Why can't we do that sometimes? Why can't we at least act like friends in public? What's wrong with that?”

He looks away.

“Even if you didn't cheat on me-”

“Hey-”

“It'd be easy for you to do.”

“I don’t do drama.”

“I just want to be able to talk to you sometimes.”

“Fine. We're over. Date Carson.”

Ouch. Even though I'm the one who first declared it over by dating someone else, the words feel like a punch in the gut. I want to disappear, just teleport to my bedroom and hide, but what I do instead is lift my chin and say, “Yeah, I'm gonna date other people. I may even have a boyfriend. Someone who wants to be seen with me.” Big talk, I think.

“Okay, you know what? I lied. You are fat. You're pasty. You're plain. Good luck finding another guy to date.”

That hurts and I want to hit back. I want to hurt him like he just hurt me. Instead I take a deep breath, wait for the sting to fade, and say, “Well, you're really hot, so I'm sure you can replace me easily enough.” I shoulder him aside and spin the lock on my locker.

He stares at me like I just slapped him. “Madison-”

“Go away.”

“Come on, I-”

“Bye.” I don't bother to put my textbooks in my backpack, but rather carry them in my arms so I can get away faster. My locker, I shut with a kick.

At work that afternoon, there's an email from John.

Hey Madison,

Hope you're feeling okay. Let me know if you need anything.

I love you.

John

I click open a reply box.

Hi John,