Against my better judgement

Chapter 20: dawn of the duke

When he wakes that morning, the feeling of dread is nestled deep in his stomach. He had barely slept last night. Had tossed and turned until there was no mattress left to go to, the thought of the day ahead keeping his mind from settling down. He had imagined what his mother might think, if she saw, even for a second what he had become. The images of him in a pristine white robe, hand raised in the air, lips reciting the words that had condemned her parents all those decades ago. The sight of him would be sure to cause her pain. He knew it, because he felt the same pain within him. He wakes every few hours, sitting up and contemplating his fate, haunted by his beside clock. 2:51. 3:42. 5:04. By the time it reaches 7:30, he decides he might as well wake for the morning. Heavy feet carry him to the kitchen, slap against the cool lino of his flooring as he rests his palms on the counter side, bows his head beneath his shoulders. He pours a stiff shot of brandy, grunts as it burns his throat and stomach, begging it to wake him up, still his nerves, strengthen his mind. It barely manages one of those things. The shrill ring of the phone stirs him from his emptiness, makes his large frame flinch in the loneliness of his home.

            "Yeah?" he grunts, unsure whether the person on the end is friend or foe.

            "Everything is in place for today. I'll be at the church, Jimmy is gonna be on your flank at the ceremony. Sergeant Trapp has backup on standby for you, you need their help you just say the words."

Ron's voice is calm and collected through the phone, the polar opposite of how his partner feels. Flip's shoulders visibly ease at the sound of his direction. There were only two people he could draw strength from, both his partners in different respects. In truth, Ron would have probably been better placed at Flip's side for the ceremony today. God knows he needed someone to calm him. But he couldn't chance it, not for Ron and not for her. Risking Ron's life at the ceremony for a bit of peace of mind wasn't worth it. And besides, he needed someone stationed at that church. He had no idea what they were planning, if they were even planning anything, but he wouldn't dare leave her unprotected. If anything happened to her... it would have all been for nothing.

            "...How are you feelin' about it all?" Ron asks when no words are spoken back to him.

"I just want it fuckin' over." Flip says, raising a near-trembling hand to rub his temple.

Ron pauses on the other line, notices the determination in his voice. This man was volatile. This assignment had been draining him, and he would do whatever it took to have it finished.

            "Remember what we said. You stay close, coax a plan out of 'em, and we can take them on conspiracy charges."

It hurts Ron to drag those words from his mouth. It feels like defeat. To have come this far, risked so much, only to have them on charges which would see them released out into the world in a matter of years does nothing to settle his stomach. The thought of them emerging from prison in the near future, minds set on seeking revenge, was enough to make him fidget with unease. He presses the thought from his mind, focuses on the wellbeing of his partner.

            "Just don't... do anything stupid."

Ron hears a short grunt from the other end before the line goes dead. Flip's mind is idle as he readies himself that morning, his body running on auto pilot as he buttons his shirt, fastens his belt, works some light wax through his hair. He doesn't even take the time to admire the finished product, simply grabs a jacket and his wire and forces himself into his car, slamming the door behind him. He doesn't allow himself a moment to pause when he gets in, ramming the keys straight into the ignition. If he stopped, even for a moment, he wouldn't start the car at all. He's sure of it. The ride is silent. No radio, just the sound of his tires over the road. He parks in the furthest spot at Pike's Lodge, as if the distance between their bumpers might save him from their mentalities. The second he gets out of the car, the reality of what's about to happen sets in.