Tempus Fugit

Our anniversaries apart

It's hard to hate you.
When I know you haven't done anything,
You're just doing the best you can
And perhaps that's the hardest part
I can't find anyone to blame
All I can do is accept that this is what we've become
but acceptance didn't lead to forgetfulness
Nor did it lead to unneeded forgiveness
It just made me love you more.

Chuuya took the next flight back to Japan.

Mummering followed him everywhere, everyone was more unnerved than in disbelief over his changed demeanour, Chuuya seemed oddly at peace like he'd matured in the time he'd been gone and perhaps he had.

People wondered if he really did find Dazai and then spent some time talking and running around the world with him, knowing how smitten the two of them had been with each other once upon a time. Others said that they argued and it led to Chuuya thinking he deserved better, some said he found himself a hot European man and had a short vacation with him, forgetting all about his partner.

No one other than Kyōyō and Akutagawa knew what had happened, Kyōyō was the one who picked him up at the airport, the moment she wrapped her gentle arms around him, he broke down, like a child and a mother.

Akutagawa, who was now under Chuuya's care also felt quite stung and abandoned especially considering he and Dazai's relationship had gone through a healthy change.

The first session they had together was strained and stifling, Akutagawa knew Chuuya well enough to be able to tell that Chuuya was hiding how he truly felt and Chuuya could tell that even though Akutagawa was putting on a strong front he really felt like he'd also been stabbed in the back, as such Chuuya decided that Akutagawa deserved to know the truth; that Dazai left because of Odasaku, because of a dying friend's wish.

Much like Chuuya had, the younger boy also cried as he was told, it meant he wasn't left behind because he wasn't good enough but rather because of unfortunate circumstances.

The conversation turned what was supposed to be a training session, into an honest heart to heart, where Akutagawa violently cried on Chuuya's shoulder as the older gently raked his hand through the younger's inky hair.

That served as a bonding moment between the two and after that things became a lot easier to deal with, both of them feeling glad to have someone else they can lean on if need be.

Just like that Chuuya slowly but surely returned to his old self again, he began to enjoy fighting and to laughing and celebrating wholeheartedly on a good occasion, his initial love for his job sparked up within him again and it seemed like he'd moved on.

He didn't of course, he never moved from the apartment and still kept all of Dazai's things, it was just that now, he looked at the younger's things with a melancholy sadness rather than betrayal and abandonment, he sought out his clothing when he felt lonely not when he was violently sobbing at how angry he was.

Some noticed that he -deep down- hadn't moved on, he never took on another partner, refused to get himself in any medical care if it meant he had to be wrapped in bandages and, he still wore Dazai's jacket on the chilly or rainy days.

Dazai wasn't faring very well either, day by day he grew more exhausted, wishing he had stability in his life. Honestly, the only thing that kept him going was the idea that sooner or later he'd be in a happy and healthy working environment and hopefully have reconciled with Chuuya, even if the latter ended up with someone else or just simply didn't want to be with him anymore, as long as Chuuya was still in his life, it didn't matter.

Maybe It would hurt him but he could deal with it.

That was unlikely to happen, considering how Chuuya spent (what would have been) their first anniversary. Funnily enough, he also had the day off just like he and Dazai had last year, maybe Mori was set on hurting him or maybe he was doing him a favour, Chuuya couldn't tell.