A Vampire's Rotten Heart

The Theory of Evolution

    "No need to explain yourself. I heard everything. And I'm interested."

    "Really?"

    I focused my attention on the room instead of her.  Jars filled with Malcore worms lined the walls. There was a half-done dissection on a table off to the side, full of pins and dripping red.

    "Don't get too excited. We would need to do some preliminary research. Which sounds delectably dangerous. And quite possibly illegal."

    "...So?"

    "I want some help on my own dangerous, illegal passion project."

    I gulped. "Can't one of your lackeys do it?"

    "Heavens no! They'd rat me out to the cops!"

    I looked at the speckled linoleum floor.

    "Alright. What is it."

    "Worms are my passion. Their subtlety, their variety, their mystery..."

    She stood up and grazed her hand over the counters.

    "I've had word of an exciting new type. Four feet long, as think as your neck if the stories are true."

    I just about fainted in my seat. "Do they live inside you like the others?!"

    Her face lit up. "I can't even imagine the mechanics if they did! But if they don't, what do they do instead?"

    She bounced up and down in place like she was going to scream in excitement.

    "Perhaps they're not Malcore worms at all? Or perhaps they're a different branch? Or a living fossil of how the worms used to be?"

    It would be rude of me to not at least try to listen.

    "Branch? Living fossil?"

    "Ah... I forgot you were common folk. Are you familiar with the theory of evolution, friend?"

    I shook my head. "No."

    She sat down and took a deep breath.

    "Everyone looks a little different from one another. Some people are taller, some are fatter, some have bigger eyes, etcetera. You know that to be true, yes?"

    "Yes."

    "And you know that that's the same for all animals and plants, yes?"

    I never really thought about it before. "I suppose."

    "I'll use animals here because they're easier for people to understand. But since all animals are different from one another, wouldn't some be more likely to reproduce? The slightly faster fox is slightly less likely to get caught by the hawk."

    "That makes sense."

    "Do you look like your parents?"

    "Huh? Used to."

    "So you agree that parents give birth to similar children. The fast fox has many fast children. The slow fox dies before it has the chance."

    I nodded my head.

    "So over time, the foxes will be faster."

    "Of course!"

    "And it's not just swiftness that comes into play. There are a myriad of other things that could help a fox survive. And over millions and millions of years, all those tiny changes build up, and suddenly the foxes are no longer foxes."

    I tilted my head way to the side. "That can't be right."

    "You agreed with everything I said before, didn't you?"

    "I did, but—"

    "So you agree with this."

    I took a deep breath and stifled an argument.

    "Anyway, say two groups of foxes get separated somehow. A river or a mountain gets in between them. Or perhaps two lineages of foxes become good at two different things. They could develop in wildly different things. Two branches of the same tree, so to speak."

    I could at least see where she was coming from.

    "...And a living fossil is a species that hasn't changed much over the years."

    I think I understood that one.

    "What I'm trying to say is that we don't just study worms here. We study how they're related to each other."

    Sounded like a complete waste of time to me!

    "My lord I've done it again! I've gone on a tangent! What were we talking about again?"

    "Passion project. Big worms."

    "Oh. Right. The worms are only found in Hirudian lake. A forbidden zone. If anything happens to me, no one will come to find my body. But you, with your big wings, tight mouth, and immunity to bites, could lift me out of anything."

    My stomach churned at the thought of giant Malcore worms. But it churned harder at the thought of becoming a king.

    "I'm in."

    I stuck out my hand for a shake, but Lady Angeltwice didn't even lift a finger.

    We stood there in awkward silence.

    "I'm... asking for a handshake."

    "Oh! Why didn't you say so?"

    She lifted her arm and awkwardly maneuvered it to mine.

    "Your hands are huge!"

    "Thanks. I didn't notice."

    Looks like things were sealed.