Disturbing Thoughts

Bad Thoughts

Despite my efforts and interest to learn, I can feel that I learned a little only.

This is among my fear, to be an idiot.

I had other fears.

I have fears, should I say. But I do not very well know them.

Also, I know I had the fear of being laughed at. But it long ago dissipated. Maybe it evaporated into the air and became a part of the pollution. I do not know. I just hope it did not go up the clouds and then soon come down as rain.

I am a fearful person but I can not seem to understand why I stopped thinking much about what is beyond.

Lack of volition.

It is a bad thing.

I also had unacceptable thoughts that maybe you would be angry of. But just try to think about it.

I thought a saw a man who lost his beloved in an accident. He asked their gods for help to bring him back but he could not find one. No one helped him, in other words.

So, he resorted to sacrificing his life in order to bring him back. He made a pact with the demons and they brought him back but only as an animal.

He did not know the demons went out to become his son and brought him inside in exchange for what was thought to be another life, another chance for his son.

You may think it was worth the shot. Afterall, he did save his son. He made a way for him live again.

But he was not aware that the boy was no longer his son. No one knew. Not even a single soul doubted.

No one knew what happened to the boy after he went out. Maybe he had his own family and had many children. Maybe he had a simple and happy life or maybe when he got older, he asked the demons for them to bring his father back.

Then, again, someone else went out.

Maybe when they built their community, some people disturbed it, maybe threw dynamites in it and annihilated them all and their souls wandered and found another place to live in.

We really do not know.