[complete!]
"𝐃𝐎𝐍'𝐓 𝐋𝐄𝐓 𝐀𝐍𝐘𝐎𝐍𝐄 𝐇𝐔𝐑𝐓 𝐘𝐎𝐔."
𝐌ace Wilcox had a heart full of revenge. For almost her whole life. Because when the person she loved most was killed, her life was turned upside down. She was turned into a killer.
Sh...
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Conflict. Panic. War.
That's what it felt like in Mace's mind. She didn't know what to think. She didn't want to think. Her head hurt horribly— the aspirin wasn't helping— and there was no one there to talk to her.
Yelena had given her a choice, sure. But why should Yelena get to tell her her options? Why should she have to prove anything to her?
Belova had made a point, though. What if she had become weaker? What if she was too attached? Maybe it was true. He was a hindrance. She could do it on her own just fine. She wanted her redemption? She could have it. She didn't need Barnes to get it.
For the rest of the time that Bucky wasn't home, Mace sat on the couch and cried to the sound of the TV.
Forty-five minutes later, Bucky burst through the door cheerfully with two paper shopping bags full. He was beaming, and was about to open his mouth to say hello, but when he saw Mace, distraught on the couch, he put the bags down and rushed to her.
Her eyes were puffy and red— she wiped tears away immediately as she saw him, but it didn't change the fact that she still looked like she had been crying. She turned away from his gaze when she saw his concerned look. He was the other option. She couldn't let his caring figure influence her decision.
"Macie," he said to her. "Are you okay?"
She didn't reply, only let out a calm breath, not looking him in the eyes. James walked over and sat next to her.
"Mace," he said, putting his hand on her back comfortingly.
"I don't want to talk about it," she said. She moved over on the couch and pushed his arm off her. He looked at her, feeling bad.
"Are you sure?"
She wouldn't look him in the eyes. He knew he was going to look with empathy. "I'm sure."
"What could have happened in the hour I was gone?" said Bucky, in a low voice.
Mace closed her eyes and took a deep, shaky breath. "Yelena Belova came," she began. "She came and asked me what had happened to me. Told me that you were weakening me. That I was too attached." The tears welled in her eyes. "I said no, that I could.. that I could leave you anytime I wanted. So she said 'do it. Do it, and prove it. Finish your mission on your own.'" Mace paused to sniff. "The voices in my head had just gone away," she said, in a low voice. "And now they're back. And they're fighting, and my head is hurting, and I don't know what to do." A tear began to leak from her eye, but she didn't notice.
"Look at me, Mace Wilcox," said Bucky, shifting his whole body to face her. "You are not weak. You were never weak. The Red Room..." James paused, knowing it was a touchy subject. But Mace continued to look him in the eyes, so he knew it was okay to go on. "The Red Room chased you for so many years for a reason. Because you're strong. Hell, you were probably the strongest person they'd ever seen." Mace let air blow through her nose as a laugh, smiling for a second through the tears. "Don't let anyone tell you who you are. Just... choose what you think is right. I'm not saying choose me. That's for you to decide. Whatever you want." He wiped a tear from her face. "I can't bear seeing you like this, Mace. Don't let anyone hurt you."
Mace closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. Then looked back at James, hoping he would continue.
Bucky saw her look, and knew what she was communicating. "And attachment isn't a bad thing. Attachment doesn't make you weak. Love doesn't make you weak. Love makes you stronger."
Mace nodded, then sniffed. She rubbed her eyes and allowed Bucky back near her. He rubbed her back sweetly. It attracted her closer, so she leaned into his chest. He embraced her.
"Cry if you want," he whispered to her. "I would, too."
She already had been.
"I told you I'd stay," she sobbed quietly.
"You did."
"I want to stay. I've said it... I've said it so many times. I need you, James. I do. I want to stay."
"And it doesn't make you weak," he said. He laid his head on top of hers. "I'm happy you're staying."
— —
They decided to lie in bed together for the rest of the night; it was late anyway. Eventually, of course, they fell asleep, but Mace was awoken with a gasp when a nightmare ended in her death. She looked to the side slightly, where Bucky laid, fast asleep. His face looked peaceful as he dozed.
"James?" she said quietly. She didn't want to lie awake alone.
He shifted beside her and rolled over. His eyes fluttered open and he smiled drowsily at Mace.
"What's up?" he muttered. He rubbed his eyes. "Nightmare?"
"Yeah," said Mace, "But that's not what I wanted to talk about."
James arched his brows slightly. "What's that?"
"I'm sorry," she said.
"For what?"
"For breaking my promise," she said to him. "I told you I'd stay. And then I almost didn't. That... I can't believe that I did that. Because I would never have wanted that done to me. And I can't imagine how that made you feel. So I'm sorry."
"You've said sorry before, Mace," he said sweetly.
"I know," she said. "And I'm saying it again."
"I forgive you, Macie. You know I always will."
"Bucky, when you said..." She paused, almost regretting what she thought to say. It made her very afraid. "... you said something about love being strength."
Bucky nodded, allowing her continue.
"Do you love me, James?"
Bucky took a breath, then swallowed the nervous lump in his throat.
"Most people might say that two weeks is too fast. But I've had the longest life you could ever imagine. I like things fast. I'd rather them fast. I know what I'm feeling when I feel it. So.. yes. I do love you, Mace. But you don't have to say it back. Because maybe you're not ready for that. And that's fine. I don't want to scare you away."
"Nothing scares me, usually," she said, looking away from his eyes. "But love... love's terrifying." She looked back up at him. "But when it comes from you, it makes me feel a little bit better about it. So maybe I can't say it back yet. But someday I will."
