It's your first birthday hope it's a good one

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The other day Jack was saying that my birthday was coming up. I've never celebrated it before. I didn't know when it was because mom never celebrated it. Jack had been insistent that we celebrate it this year. I didn't care about it. My dad gone because of me or so my mother says. No one can tell me otherwise. I had no idea what day it was or what day it would be in the morning but tonight Kim and I were having that sleepover she promised me. I'd never had one of those either. I didn't have other girls. She's the only girl friend I have. But at least Jack sat downstairs and joined us too. We had Chinese food that night.

Jack said we were having pizza and ice cream tomorrow night and we'd have cake tomorrow too. Why are we eat that tomorrow? What's the special occasion? I ask him picking up a spoonful of rice. Kim and Jack look between each other with frowns on their faces and back at me. What? What's wrong? Can you just give me one second? He asked me taking Kim's hand and picking her up off the floor pulling her to a corner. Turn the T.V. on put on a movie or something. He told me. KK. I smiled a little confused a little concerned. The T.V. went on grandpa was sitting on the a chair in the room with us. I think he wanted to make sure everything would go ok. Jack had flashed him a sad smile. He called for me to come sit with him.

I got up from where I was sitting and sat with him in the big chair an arm wrapped around my shoulder. He was the only adult male figure in my life that took care of me. I crawled into his lap like a small child. My feet on one side my head laying against his chest. The closest thing I had to a father. Meanwhile.... She doesn't know? You didn't tell her? Kim asked Jack. And make her upset?! No way. She does everything for everyone with barely to any question and has a hard time saying no and she cries in the shower. She has knives in her mirror hates her reflection need I go on?! She thinks its her fault our father died because he died on her birthday via heart attack.

When morning comes and we have everything all set up it will be too late for her to object. She never does anything for herself and doesn't let anyone do anything for her. At Bobby's wedding she poisoned herself at the basketball game she gave herself over to mom. She went a weekend with no sleep for Rudy for his birthday. She has imposter syndrome. She did all that stuff that one week uh when she was fixing the cake and donating blood and who remembers what else?! Or when we had the babies and one got on the tower or when what's his name blackmailed Eddie and he hypnotized her to hurt us?! And you want me to tell her that tomorrow is her birthday?! The first one she's ever had or celebrated?! Not gonna happen!

And if she runs away crying and screaming then what Jack everything will be ruined anyway?! Somehow I expect that we're just gonna have to watch her. All the presents are set up? Yes. Decorations worked out? Yes. Ice cream flavors set up? Yep. Cake made? Don't worry Milton did not help. So yes? Yep. You blew up balloons? Part of the decorations so yes. What else am I missing? Nothing Jack I'm sure it will be fine as long as your mom doesn't like break out of prison. Kim?! Sorry shouldn't had said that. Nothing can go wrong everyone gets to have a birthday except my sister and this is her first one. Hopefully not the only one she gets to have. But this one should be perfect. The only other holiday she's ever celebrated is Halloween. That poor sweet child. She looks at me. Tonight will be fun she'll get her sleepover in the morning will be her birthday and it will be fine. No screaming or crying or fighting. She will not get hurt or feel pain or be poisoned. Nothing.

We got her Chinese from her favorite Chinese restaurant although I hate it I think that place is terrible but you know we had it before we went to China for the tournament the only good thing about home. I've never seen her so happy. Look at her. Nothing is going wrong. She loves those princess movies. The Little Mermaid and Aladdin are her favorite but also she finds Frozen so relatable. The only one she won't watch is Alice in Wonderland made because of drugs and to be honest it looks like its on drugs just watching it. She caught bits and pieces of it on Disney Channel the other day I came into the room and saw her pulling the blanket up to her chin covering her face with her hands peeking through them shivering in fear. I asked her what she was watching I sat beside her and she turned her head into my chest closing her eyes. I looked up at the screen and saw.

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