A Time for Life

Chapter Nineteen

CHAPTER NINETEEN
Alyssa's Point of View

I smelt nothing but my cigarette smoke.

That's all I could smell for weeks now. 

"You never sleep do you?" The voice spoke up behind me. Slurred, sleepy and slow.

I didn't bother turning around. My silence was my response.

I heard him groan behind me, a ruffle of his sleeping bag and then he was there sitting next to me. "What's the time?" He mumbled. I didn't respond.

I looked at the full moon ahead of me. The sun was far up in the sky. My guess? Roughly three in the morning. 

"You sleep at all?" He asked concerned. 

I shook my head. I felt his warm eyes watching me. I licked my lips and stared away from the moon to the reflecting ocean ahead of us.

"Hungry?" 

Again I shook my head. He stood up anyway. He held out his hand for me to grab hold of. I stared at his eyes as I took hold of his warm hand, and never lost his contact as he lifted me up. His eyes warm and dark, shining in the moon light. Just like the ones I left, in hope to forget. Boy did that go well.

He continued holding my hand as we walked along the dark empty streets of the night. The occasional lamp post flickered and every once in a while I heard the waves splash in the shore. All the shops were closed except for one. Home Cafe. The light shone bright in the distance, there were the occasional shadows of people when they walked past the large windows. 

When we finally reached it, we opened the door to be greeted with the warmth of heaters and a strong scent of black coffee. I hadn't realized how cold it was outside. Winter was coming and we still had no where to stay. The street was our home.

"Alyssa!" The old man at the front desk greeted me. I smiled in return. He glanced at the boy next to me. "Chance." 

"Frank." Chance said in return. The two men exchanged a manly nod.

Frank looked at both of us individually, concern seeping in his expression. "You kids hungry?"

Chance nodded. I remained still. "You got any eggs?" His voice was still raspy from only waking up moments ago.

The old man grinned kindly. "Scrambled?" Chance nodded, somewhat eagerly. "And for the girl?" He said looking at me. "Coffee?" 

I smiled without teeth. He knew what that meant and with a quick look at us he turned to the kitchen.

Me and Chance then turned behind us looking for an empty table. It wasn't hard. Most people were asleep at this time. The few of those that were here were passed out drunk, or homeless like us. We sat down in our usual spot by the window in the very corner of the coffee bar. Me further away from the exit, still having the view of the whole cafe. I watched as the drunks stumbled from one seat to another, and I watched the young girl in the opposite end of the room lying on the coach with a thin blanket wrapped around her, her arm used as a pillow. 

We stared at each other for several seconds. It wasn't long but it was a familiar stare. Comforting in some ways. She was always here. We never talked but somehow our eyes said everything. Whatever happened to her parents I have no idea, but she was always here. Everyday and every night. No one talking to her, or even acknowledging her.

Chance calling my name snapped me out of my head. "Alyssa." I swung my neck towards him. He was leaning forward closer towards me, concern and pity swimming in the brown of his eyes. "You haven't eaten in days." I just stared. "You have to have something." 

I rose my eyebrows. He humphed, knowing exactly what I was thinking. "I haven't eaten cause I've had no cash, and you know that." He was a very skinny boy. Not because he couldn't bulk, but simply because all he could afford to eat was the half eaten apple on the side of roads. I hadn't looked at myself for weeks, but I knew that this lack of food was no good for me. 

But eating was never appealing. Not anymore.

When I said nothing he sighed and leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. I stared at him for a second longer. His unshaven jaw and pale skin. Black eyes and messy, long hair to match. I saw him clench his jaw before knowing he was annoyed at something. 

I then turned away, to look at the girl again. When I looked this time she was watching the passed out drunks. A feared look in her eye. I fidgeted. My need to hold her, to comfort her was so strong I had to clench my nails into my palm to stop myself from reaching over. She flinched when somebody close to her stumbled onto the ground. I nearly jumped out of my seat to help her but I stayed in my spot. 

It was when she looked at me, that scared look in her eye, that I actually gasped. That look I knew all to well. I saw it in myself every time I looked in the mirror. I saw it in Perla and my dad. I saw it in my mother before she died. I've seen that look to many times. When you feel nothing, but you feel everything all at once. That feeling when you feel alone in a crowded room. The feeling of not being able to help someone when they're struggling. The fear before someone hits you, before someone you love leaves you. 

But it wasn't these feelings that scared me. It was the fact that the last time I saw that look on someone so young, she died.

Memories flashed through me in instantly. I jumped when Frank placed the plate of eggs on the table along with my glass of coffee. My breathing was faster then I thought, I felt the panic attack begin. 

"Alyssa." I heard a voice in the distance say. "Are you okay?" I didn't know whether that was Chance or Frank. 

Faded words of "What is wrong with her?" Or "What is she doing?" Repeated themselves in the distance but I didn't focus on that. I instantly pushed my chair back, causing a high pitched screeching noise. The chair fell to the ground but I didn't notice nor care, I instantly ran to the exit, pushed the door open, and collapsed to my knees. The bare skin of my legs scraped against the hard gravel below, I felt with each move the skin of me knees rip revealing blood. My heart didn't stop beating, and beating, and beating. My lungs felt to be collapsing and shrinking inside my body. My mind didn't know what to focus on, causing it to zap through every little thing. My body's physical and mental state was at the same time shutting down and waking up. 

I tried to calm myself down but I couldn't. Everything I thought turned into something bad, like a dream into a nightmare. 

"It's okay." I heard a light voice say. Then a small hand touched the back of my shoulder. I don't know what she did but my heart calmed down and slowly my lungs seemed to expand to it's normal size. I turned my head to look at the little girl. Dark hair, blue eyes. I just stared at her for a long, long time. 

When she noticed me calming down she spoke again, rubbing her small hand on my back, like a mother would do to her sick child. "This happens to me sometimes." Her voice was soft and angelic. A baby's voice. "You just need to think about things that make you happy." She paused. "People that make you happy." 

I continued looking at her. Thoughts racing in my mind. 

Her little lips curved at the end forming the smallest of smiles. But that was all I needed. I smiled back, genuinely smiled, for the first time in months. She reached in for a hug and I hugged her back. "Are you feeling happier now?"

And for the first time I didn't smell cigarettes, instead the familiar scent of her. Her.

"Yes." I said. "I'm happy now."

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A/N:

Thanks to all you beautiful souls who are reading this story even today. you make my life super super awesome.

Again thank you to Merike for supporting me and urging me to continue writing because honestly I probably wouldn't ever have kept going if it wasnt for her. Love you long time girl.

Tell me what you thought about this chapter. Every vote and every comment makes my day. Thanks for everything yall. (Did I really just say yall????)