My Thoughts

Him

There's alot more I've written about him but I'll give you the last stuff I wrote.
Yes, I do still have feelings for him, maybe a little less intense
What's the best way to get over someone???

Nvm I'm finally over him

6 July 2021
Because I miss you again.
Alot more than I'd like to and it hurts but I refuse to go back.
Well my logic is overpowering my heart right now.
If I listened to my heart I'd be on your lawn with flowers and a heart felt poem or something.

Arghhh
Why does this hurt so much?
I'm blinking tears away and all because I know things will never be the same.
Now we're just strangers with memories

"The things I did just so I could call you mine~Olivia Rodrigo"

I don't even have words today. This usually makes me feel better but I just want to cry

Is the experience really worth it?

18 August 2021

I miss him.
And yes, I know I shouldn't but I do.
I miss everything about him.
I miss his voice.
I miss the way he makes me smile.
I miss calling him and talking for hours.
I miss his hugs even though I've only had two.
I miss him complaining about pausing his music to listen to my voice messages and doing it anyway.
I miss telling him everything on my mind and just being myself around him.
I miss the way he remembers all the little things I tell him and all the small details about me.
I miss knowing he's safe.
I miss arguing with him about the silliest things.

Heck

I just miss knowing him.

I hate that we've become strangers and I hate that I don't know him anymore.
I just miss him.
Maybe it's for the best but it still hurts

Lyrics and songs that make me think of him

But I loved you then and I love you now
And I don't know how
Guess it's hard to know when nobody else comes around
If I'm getting over you
Or just pretending to
Be alright, convince myself I hate you

Can't get over you
No matter what I do
I know I should but I could never hate you

~Billie Eilish

But when I'm all alone in my room
I find my thoughts follow you
My mind runs circles around the fact you walked away
The fact you didn't stay despite the things you used to say

I gave you my time, and you sat me in a waiting room
And I waited for you, for a second past forever
A second chance is what I wanted
But what you wanted wasn't me
Said you didn't want a relationship
I didn't know you meant with me

I miss the with you in my everything
The with you in my head
The with you on those movie dates
The with you with your friends
The one with all the problems and she'd never stop talking
With or without you, I promise I'll still miss you from within

And every time I see you, you look better
Why you doin' this to me?
Seems like you moved on
And I'm moving slowly
Seems like you're doing fine
And I'm still here
And then you went and fell in love
And I'm still here

Can I ask
Did he find the pieces of you I've held on to?
That part of your youth, when's the last time you felt youthful?
That part of your smile only I know
'Cause you know and I know I'm the reason for it
And for it I'd walk four decades around this Earth backwards
Just to hear your voice say my name with "I love you" right after

~Miles Carter

some people fall in love
With the wrong people sometime
~Ashe

You were red and you liked me 'cause I was blue
But you touched me and suddenly I was a lilac sky
And you decided purple just wasn't for you ~Halsey

26 August 2021

5 days since my last entry and views have changed quite a bit.

Last night I prayed for guidance and some how ended up on pintrest with a whole lot of quotes i relate to.
It was then that I realised quite a few things.

1. I've been an idiot. I've spent so much time on someone who probably doesn't feel the same and I no longer want to be with because you know what
I've tried
And it wasn't enough

2. I want to be alone.
Just get my life together and find what makes me happy.
Stop existing and live

3. I want and need to get closer to God because I know he's consistent. I need consistency.

So here's to some self discovery, better decision making, more honesty with myself and hopefully less of him.