Black Waters (Frank Ocean Love Story)

Chapter 十三

Ajahni’s View.   †

Exorcisms can be conducted within any given human being. One doesn’t have to show signs of disturbance from some demon to have an exorcism performed on them. One doesn’t have to show signs of being possessed. If you’re possessed, you’re possessed. You don’t have to show it. Exorcisms can be conducted on any possessed human being, no matter what that human being is possessed with. As long as there’s something else in you, something that influences you.

I qualify for an exorcism, don’t I? I’m a human being, for sure. Maybe I do show signs of being possessed. I can’t tell. But I know I feel it. I know I’m possessed with…with her. With the monster I created. I’m possessed with Chanel.

And I want her out of me.

I’m so desperate to go back to being Ajahni that I almost peeled off all the traits that make Chanel who she is. I took out those fake box braids, for a start. I was about to buy some casual, non-Chanel clothes with my money, until I caught myself. I couldn’t do it. I would mess up everything. I went to the hair salon and curled my hair, Marilyn Munroe-style. Then I went and bought clothes. A black T-shirt with a pit bull’s blown-up face on the front. Black leggings. Black shoes. Red bow in my hair.

By the time all of that was done, it was a little past noon. I was to meet Hodgy at 12: 30. This time, I would go to him feeling more comfortable than I did before. I felt more like Ajahni this time, but still had to pretend to be Chanel. As I walked toward him, I could feel her spirit biting at mine. I could feel her fighting to emerge, to crawl up from my stomach and pour out of my mouth like vomit. She wants to take over me completely. She already managed to get me to wear makeup, and clothes I’d never wear under regular circumstances. She even got me to speak to people I would never speak to.

All that’s left is my poor, innocent soul.

You can’t have that. It’s not for you. It’s for me and Christopher to share.

223 East Hemp Street. I looked up at the place Hodgy told me to meet him. An art store?

Chanel’s View.  ▼ ☀

Behave as I tell you to. Allow me to take over your conscious. At least for now.

She walks inside the store, and looks for Hodgy. He’s standing toward the back examining an intricate painting. It’s the famous Scream painting with a twist to it. He runs his hands over the painting’s texture. 

She doesn’t want to walk over to him. She knows she has to, but she just wants to defy me. She just wants to show me that she doesn’t have to listen to me, that she can overcome me. She’s kidding herself.

Go toward him.

She stands still.

Ajahni.

I push her (mentally, of course) and she stumbles over to him. Hodgy looks up and waves at her with a smile. Good, things are getting started. She smiles back without me having to tell her to. She’s doing well. Hodgy hugs her.

“I’m glad you came.”  He says.

She stays silent. Say something!

I don’t know what to say, she replies. I move up from her heart to her mind. Travelling throughout her body is uncomfortable for me, only because she doesn’t want me here. I won’t be leaving anytime soon. She created me for her own good, and I won’t leave until she gets things done.