The Lady of Death

3. Bye bye, Birdie

It's not like I meant to put my mother through so much trauma. Now that she had lost her mother, she thought there might be a chance that I might die too. I know she would never say that out loud, but the beast of fear was being fed by every word the doctor was speaking.

"I'm going to need to run some tests on your daughter. Her blood pressure combined with the shock her grandmother's death has had on her..."

My mother let out a whimper and I couldn't help but reach my right arm out to her. I realized that they didn't really know I was awake because the doctor continued to speak on what he believes to be my condition and my mother listened with cartoonishly wide eyes.

"I just want to make sure there aren't any heart conditions that left untreated could put her into further cardiac arrest..."

My mom closed her eyes and nodded.

"I just want you to be aware that she could need a new heart, we'll know more after the scans come back. So it's best not to worry until we reach a diagnosis."

She nodded again but you could tell she was just fighting the urge to fall to floor and scream like no one was around.

I twitched again trying to signal to her that I was conscious, but she was still in her bubble of misery. So I tried to say mom, but it came out a dry, soft "Mphm."

She twitched like I slammed my palm against her chest. Her eyes swelled, the tears still slipping out but a small smile started to emerge.

She wanted to appear as if nothing was wrong with her, but of course I could tell she probably hasn't stopped.crying for a few days. She grabbed my hand, "Well, there's absolutely nothing wrong with you. And your doctors just want to make sure of that." The pain in her eyes made them dark, I didn't think I'd ever see my mom without mascara, her lashes were so light.

"You don't have to lie to me, mom," I also failed at trying to sound strong. It was dryer than the first disgruntling noise I made. "Are you ok?" Spoken like a true middle-aged smoker.

"Am...I?" Her head did a light bounce, her lips were slapped shut, her breathing stopped for a moment.

I couldn't tell if she thought that I was a selfish human being or what I said actually offended her.

"I should be asking that of you," she spoke the loudest she's had since before my grandmother died.

At this age, I was still able to control the outcome of my mother's emotions to the best of my ability. Now, I'm sure she has no clue how I feel about her. I just wish I could make her less human like Death and I. I still loved the idea that I had no idea what he was. And I also hated how I had to put my mother through this, because I did still very care what she was feeling, because she was almost feeble and child-like to me. She was the one that needed to be protected from the scary, scary world. To her there was nothing scarier than death. Maybe I could look at her differently now if she could be unconvinced of that fact. But I've already tried to share with her before and we already know how that worked out.

"You've been through a lot these past few days," I tried to soften my face, maybe if she thought I wasn't in any pain even though my voice sounded like a garbage disposal, maybe just maybe I could convince her that everything was going to be alright. And then she would be fine. I mean, maybe she would be if she knew I'd actually preferred to being with Death than living. I mean, unless me being dead meant that we had to part ways. But I sure as hell was in pain, my chest had felt like a wrestler was sitting on it.

"Who made you so strong and brave," my mom said petting my hair.

My mind kept slipping back to him. It was hard to concentrate on the fact that I had a heart attack and there were other things possibly wrong with me. I couldn't decide either if it was a good thing or not. My grandmother clearly showed me that when I do see him again that he can't touch me unless I was dead. So I couldn't even decide if me dying would be a good thing or a bad thing. I guess, he was he key to finding out more answers about myself and the afterlife. And the only way I could get anything out of him is if someone else died. And that would be the only way I knew for sure, I would see him again. So, the next question had to be, who?