The Heartless Winter ✔️

"What if my brothers saw us here?"

Her words echoed through my system, along with her screams, but I walked on. The three-inch-deep snow, revealed the trail of my same old path, the remains of my blood staining the white sheet. It was barely there, but the red marks couldn't get mistaken for anything else.

Was I alive? The footprints certainly were real. The blood was real. Where were the tears, then? I asked myself, again and again, trying to find a reason, but in vain. Why couldn't I cry? Why couldn't I scream? Why was I unable to let it out?

The pain in my heart doubled, and I squinted. Her painful calls for help echoed within me, but I didn't stop walking. I had to reach my destination before dark. I had to reach my fate. But who made that rule? What dilemma was I in?

I looked up from the snow, only to confirm if I was on the right track. Similar cafés passed by that were once filled with laughter. Only men would visit. Only men would wind down. Women were to laugh only when allowed. But Amara wasn't that. Amara wasn't from here; neither from this town nor from this world.

Just a few more minutes, and I'd reach the track.

I stopped and looked back at the wreck, but I had left it behind. How long had I been walking? Had it been exactly thirty minutes? Could I see her from here? She was long gone, then why could I hear her? My Amara was reduced to ashes. My Amara was calling me again. Her mellifluous voice ached my heart, for her soft laughter had turned into cries.

Hadn't I promised to protect her? It was all a blur now. Except her. She was clear; sometimes blushing as a blossomed rose, and sometimes glowing as the full moon.

Something broke inside my chest. My head started pounding, and my vision blurred. I closed my eyes for a moment. A faint smile appeared. Was it mine? I was given the gift of tears, then why did I smile? Was it close to being over?

I turned around and walked on. My head was cluttered with a million thoughts, a million scenes, a million wishes.

Was it a sin to love someone?

My sight was blinded by the flashes of today. I remembered. I had been waiting for her under the willow tree, branches covered with white snow. It was Sunday. We used to wait for Sundays to meet. It was the only day in the week she was allowed to leave her house with her maid, to pray under the open sky. I had met her first under the same willow tree. How long it had taken for her to trust me, then to befriend me, and then to fall in love.

My fingers traced the engraved initials of our names on the trunk; A and S.

"Sanford!"

I had looked up towards her face. Her cheeks glowed red with the intensity of cold, or was she blushing? Her big, brown, beautiful eyes shone. I smiled and extended my hand for her to take. She placed her soft hand into mine and sat beside me on the mat.

I stared at her, smiling, as she stared back. How couldn't we belong together? She chuckled softly, and it was my cue to lean in and place my lips on her forehead.

"Hi, beautiful," I said against her skin.

She let out her breath in shivers, and whispered, "Hi, handsome."

I looked at her again. She wore a flowy dress and was covered in a fur shawl. "You're wearing red today."

"You're wearing black."

"My girl said she liked it on me."

She smiled. "So did my man."

"Your man, huh?"

She giggled. "My man."

She took a moment to stare into my eyes, softly smiling, before she intertwined her fingers with mine. I held her hand and squeezed it. She softly placed her head on my shoulder, and I looked around to see if anyone was there who could spot us.