A Series of Unfortunate Events: Vol. 2

Austere Academy

You probably shouldn't be reading this. My name is Fia and if you've been following the story as closely as some people have, then you know that nobody should be reading this. 'Cause, everything about the Baudelaires' situation is horrible to contemplate.

"I feel like we've been sitting on this bench for months," Violet complained.

"We've been waiting so long, Sunny's starting to look less like a baby and more like a toddler," Klaus noted.

"Growth spurt?" Sunny babbled.

"We've been tormented by treachery and villainy," Violet listed.

"Child labor and leeches," Klaus continued.

"And now, a new school,"

"Well, the new school hasn't tormented us yet,"

A girl in a pink dress, wearing tap shoes walked up to the Baudelaires "Hello, cake-sniffers!"

"Hello, um..." Violet greeted.

"'Um...'" The girl imitated "Are you a blithering idiot? Everyone knows I'm Carmelita Spats,"

"I'm Violet Baudelaire, and these are my siblings Klaus and Sunny,"

"What does 'cake-sniffer' mean?" Klaus questioned.

"It means you're stupid cake-sniffers, but I'm the most special girl in the whole school." Carmelita bragged "I'm supposed to give you a tour. This is Vice Principal Nero's office. He's a genius. He likes me best. I don't have to wear a uniform 'cause I'm too adorable. Come on,"

A school should be a safe place. Brand new book to explore the mysteries around you.

"Come on, cake-sniffers," Carmelita called out.

"I don't think it's a compliment," Violet told Klaus.

It should be a place to make new friends. It should be a place of comfort and adventure that feels almost like home, particularly if your actual home has been destroyed in a fire. But as you and I know, school is hardly ever like that.

"People are looking at us," Klaus noted as they followed Carmalita through the halls.

"Probably because we're new," Violet suggested.

"It's because your home was destroyed in a fire." Carmalita cut in.

Like a classroom, the lives of the Baudelaire orphans may appear to be more or less harmless. But if you insist on reading, you should know the motto of Prufrock Preparatory School. Like many mottoes, it can be found on a variety of surfaces, from a banner in the school auditorium to the scoreboard of the athletic field.

"This is the athletic field." Carmelita told the Baudelaires "Our gym teacher's coaching an away game, so I get to make people do jumping jacks whenever I want,"

"'Memento Mori," Klaus read on the scoreboard.

When you learn what it means, you will understand why this story can have no happy ending, the way no story has a happy ending.

"What does 'memento mori' mean?" Violet asked her brother.

"Remember, you will die," Klaus translated.

***

Fia was pushed roughly onto the bus. She headed to the back of the bus, her eyes widened when she noticed the man hiding in the seats.

It was the waiter from Damocles Dock.

Fia tilted her head in confusion.

The man raised his finger to her mouth and she nodded in understanding.

"What will happen to those members of the pep squad you threw off the bus?" The tall man asked.

"That gym teacher was crying." One of the twins pointed out.

"So was the driver," The other twin added.

"Ah. That touchy-feely nonsense would never have been tolerated when I went to Prufrock Prep,"

Fia quirked an eyebrow "You attended Prufrock Preparatory?"

"I'm impressed," Hookman said.

"You should be. My IQ has been measured in the upper double digits," Olaf proclaimed.

"That explains a lot," Fia muttered.

"What was that?" Olaf snapped.

"I was saying, how I hope one day to match your smarts," Fia lied.

Olaf smirked "This trip is more than just a chance to seize three children and also their enormous fortune. It's a homecoming," he chuckled deviously.